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June 10, 2024

Articles by Dan H. Woods

[Opinion] [Essay] [Comics] [Nonfiction]


Australian Holidaze (2009-03-09) humor

Columnist Dan H. Woods jealously compares March holidays in Australia with the paucity of drinkable holidays in America.

St. Patrick's Day: Now 100% Snake Free! (2009-03-16) humor column essay "St. Patrick's Day"

What do mutated clams, Mrs. O'Leary's cow, druidism, and leprechauns have in common? They are all woven into Dan H. Woods's latest column about St. Patrick's Day.

Australia: Now With Twice the Neurotoxin! (2009-04-06) humor column essay "Australia" snakes spiders

Keep the money, Dan H. Woods says send lawyers, guns, and anti-venom in yet another column about the land down under.

Euro-Phone Envy (2009-04-13) essay humor clocks phones

Hey, who wouldn't want a clock that was always right, that you never have to wind, and with which you can make obscene calls?

Research Grant Scamps (2009-04-20) essay humor snakes scientists research

Today Dan answers your questions about scientists.

Kiwi Madness (2009-04-27) humor column essay "Kiwi Madness" New Zealand

Dan finds that New Zealanders are jealous of his fascination with Australia ... and proceeds to rectify the balance. Or is that "wreck-tify?"

French Dining (2009-05-04) humor column essay "French Dining"

Dan is currently living in France with his family and occasionally writes about his experiences there.

A Guy's Guide To Mother's Day (2009-05-11) humor column essay "A Guy's Guide To Mother's Day"

Now we know why Dan H. Woods is sleeping on the porch in a chaise lounge.

Spilling the Beans (2009-05-18) humor column essay "Spilling the Beans"

Dan H. Woods travels to Switzerland for an important news conference ...

Advertise This! (2009-05-25) humor column essay "Advertise This!"

Learning a little French might be a good idea when reading advertisements in Paris -- otherwise you could end up with glace au poisson as your dessert.

French Appliances -- Oo La La! (2009-06-08) humor "French Appliances -- Oo La La!"

Dan lives in France, and even the household appliances speak French to him.

A Guy's Guide to Father's Day (2009-06-15) humor "A Guy's Guide to Father's Day"

Compared to Mother's Day preparations, Father's Day is an absolute breeze ...

What's For Lunch? (2009-06-22) humor column essay "What's For Lunch?"

Fine dining in France ranges from the sublime to the ... what on earth is that, anyway?

Masterpieces (2009-06-29) humor column essay "Masterpieces"

Now a brown velvet background with lots and lots of angels singing along with the King ... that could be priceless!

A Straight Flush (2009-07-13) humor column essay "A Straight Flush" toilets

If there's one thing a humor columnist knows about -- yes, you guessed it -- it's toilet jokes.

A Guy's Guide To Arranging Furniture (2009-07-20) humor column essay "A Guy's Guide To Arranging Fur

Will he change after he's married? Followers of Feng Shui certainly hope so ...

Benefactors R Us (2010-05-31) essay humor spam

It always pays to check your email -- something surprising may be in store for you!

Won't Get Fooled Again (2013-02-25) essay weight loss humor

Who are you going to believe? That ugly thing on the floor?

Confessions of an Amateur Woodworker (2015-08-10) humor column essay "Confessions of an Amateur Wood

When it comes to carpentry, there's nothing Dan doesn't know about turning something into a repair project.

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A Short History of April Fools' Day (2009-03-30) cover story humor column essay "April Fools' Day"

Dan H. Woods currently is in hiding in France, wearing a fake moustache and pretending his hobbies include woodworking and running marathons. At one time, Dan was also a Certified Beer Judge from the American Homebrewers Association. (It's good work if you can find it.)

A Guys' Guide to Perfume Shopping (2013-05-06) essay humor perfume

A Mother's Day gift for your sweetie? Here's some timely advice...

Off the Truck (2013-06-03) essay humor

But what if it was a big load of Elvis blankets? Or designer shoes?

Eau de Canada (2017-03-20) essay humor column moose

Dan takes aim at our northern neighbor, Canada, and misses as usual.

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Peek of the Week 194 (2009-05-11) photo art

This green cat graces the floor of a chateau in France.

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Vacation in France: Grotte de Clamouse (2009-05-18) travel "Grotte de Clamouse"

Dan H. Woods takes us on a travel tour from his vacation in France.

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