At Your Funeral

It wasn’t until I spoke at your funeral
That I came to fully appreciate
The friendship we had
I had no prepared remarks
Though I had thought about it a lot
But I like to speak off the cuff
Winging it brings out the most real thoughts
Allows the ideas that suddenly spring up
To come forth and be heard
I don’t get flustered with all eyes on me
It makes me realize the responsibility
I have to make sure
That my words bare truths

At your funeral
I came to understand our connection
When I thought of how much time we spent together
When I rarely left the house, sunk in depression
How we drove together to New Hampshire to meet your father
And not just because he could teach us
How to role a joint with just one hand
But to learn something of his life
And the forces both kind and cruel
That had shaped him and you

At your funeral
I recalled helping to move your grandmother’s treasures
From her apartment in Cleveland Circle
I was surprised to see a photo from that day
Part of the slide show of memories
It gave some context the stories I shared
With those who had only known you later

I recalled also knowing your mother
How she said once ‘your friends sure do cough a lot’
But she still allowed us to sit in the basement
Smoke all the pot we could lay our hands on
With her too we were perhaps not so different
As she sat upstairs with her vodka and tonic
We lived life our way and she in hers

And perhaps most important
Sherene and I recalled that we were
The first two you choose to come out to
Driving along on the Fresh Pond Parkway
In your vintage unheated Volkswagen Beetle
At the time it didn’t seem a big deal
Only later did I understand
How hard it must have been for you
To trust in us and bare your soul

At your funeral
I realized how grateful I was
That we had reconnected the last few years
Social media for all its flaws
Can rekindle relationships long lost
Sure you unfriended me once
But we talked and made up as friends really should
But still it was only when you died
When I spoke at your funeral
That I really realized
That we had always been closer
Then either of us ever knew