Exhausted from the long hours at work, I walked through the door, immediately sensing a tension that was not the usual welcome I expected. My mother was seated on the living room sofa, not even watching TV. When she saw me, she said, “I’m worried about Lan’s way of doing things. She mixed boiled and purified water for Linlin today, despite my warning. I wonder if she truly considers Linlin’s well-being.”
“Mom, Lan certainly cares about Linlin.”
My mother believed that water should be boiled before drinking. She made it a daily routine to boil filtered purified water and let it cool in a kettle, prohibiting us from drinking purified water directly. “You always stand by Lan. You know, after your father passed, I was alone in raising you boys. Sometimes I wonder if you understand what that was like for me.”
I sat down on the couch. After a pause, my mother’s tone softened as she drifted into her memories. “After I married your father, your grandmother did everything to sabotage our relationship. She spoke ill of me in front of your father. I was eight months pregnant with you, and she still had me chopping firewood. I had no choice but to be obedient to your grandmother, concealing my true emotions. I made a vow back then that when I became a mother-in-law, I would treat my daughter-in-law kindly. When Lan married you, I thought about how hard she worked every day, so I took on most of the household chores. I never imagined I’d have to endure the mother-in-law’s mistreatment when I was young and the daughter-in-law’s disrespect when I’m old. Sometimes, I just feel so overwhelmed. It’s not easy being in my position, you know?”
I sighed. Lan was the daughter of my mother’s childhood friend. My mother had always encouraged me to pursue Lan, praising her diligence and capability. Lan had paid her own way through college by working part-time jobs. After we got married, she treated Lan like her own daughter until two years ago when Lan found out she couldn’t conceive after a medical examination. We later adopted Linlin.
“I birthed two sons, and your grandmother still gave me a hard time. Did I ever ask Lan to have a son? I just hoped she might consider IVF. It’s not about having a son or a daughter, but about the possibility of having a child. Ask around, how many mother-in-laws are as open-minded as I am?”
“Mom, Lan went to college and doesn’t subscribe to the idea of carrying on the family line.”
“Is going to college such a big deal? Your uncle’s daughter-in-law returned from the UK with a master’s degree and still managed to give him to a grandson.”
My mother continued to complain, and I couldn’t help but interject, “Mom, I worked for 12 hours, and I’m really tired.” She replied, “You should go take a shower and rest.”
***
As I pushed open the bedroom door, the room was dimly lit, soft music playing in the background, and only Lan’s desk lamp was on. The room felt like a quiet sanctuary away from the day’s turmoil. Lan was engrossed in her work, the soft glow of her desk lamp casting a calm light as Linlin slept peacefully.
I moved to the closet to retrieve my clothes, and she didn’t even glance in my direction. After my shower, I sat beside her and noticed several crumpled tissues scattered on her desk. She turned to look at me. “I feel like your mom judges me differently because Linlin isn’t biologically mine. It’s as if she thinks I’d be more careful if she were.”
“My mom is getting older; we shouldn’t argue with her.”
“Juggling work and home, I’m doing my best with Linlin. Sometimes, I just long for a bit more empathy. Just because she’s not my biological child, I can’t make any mistakes, or else it’s assumed I don’t love her.” Her voice started to choke, and she reached for a tissue to wipe her tears.
“No one says that; don’t overthink it.”
“I overheard your mom talking on the phone with her friend, saying that Linlin is a child born from you and another woman, just to prevent others from finding out she’s adopted.”
“So, if that makes her feel better, let her say it. Why should we care?”
“Do I not contribute enough to this family? When I take brief shopping trips on weekends, I face criticism for not loving Linlin. But if you were the one who couldn’t have children and took time for yourself, would you face the same harsh judgments?”
I understood her unspoken words; her income, quintuple mine, had been our financial backbone since marriage. I tried to remain composed, not to wake Linlin, but I couldn’t help blurting out, “Do you think less of me because I earn less? Is this all about me not earning as much as you? Would you even be saying this if our incomes were reversed?”
She gazed at me, and shook her head. “I always thought that as long as I worked hard and excelled, others would recognize my qualities. You want to live with your mom, I understand. Even though we’ve been arguing almost every day this past year, I considered your wish to take care of your mom and didn’t suggest living separately. I thought that as long as I cared about your feelings, you’d understand my pain, but I was wrong. You’re just like my parents.”
She was being utterly unreasonable! I was the person who loved her the most in the world, and she knew it. Her parents favored her younger brother, and despite her father owning rental properties, she had to send them money every month after college because they, like many parents, wanted to recoup the cost of raising a daughter. When she fell ill at home, she had to find her own medicine. But after we got together, when she had a fever, I would get up in the middle of the night to take her temperature and take care of her. How could I be like her parents?
“I considered moving out with Linlin, but why should I? I provided the down payment for this apartment, and I’m basically covering the monthly mortgage. I don’t want to live with your mom. You need to talk with her.”
After saying this, she turned back to her computer screen as if I didn’t exist.
***
As a saying goes, “When there is harmony in the home, all affairs will prosper.” I couldn’t understand why my mother and Lan couldn’t grasp such an obvious truth, why they quarreled over trivial matters. Each time they argued over something so insignificant, I found myself caught in the middle, receiving attacks from both sides. I was already exhausted from my long work hours.
When Lan came home, she’d retreat to her room with Linlin, almost as if we were invisible. I attempted to talk to her, but she brushed me off. When she was upset, she’d be as prickly as a porcupine. Asking my mother to move out was out of the question; I couldn’t abandon her. Our home environment grew increasingly peculiar.
On a Sunday morning, after my night shift, I came home and barely settled into bed when a heated argument in the living room jolted me awake. Lan’s voice, sharp and accusing, clashed with my mother’s escalating retorts. “Don’t put such silly ideas into Linlin’s head,” Lan said. “What’s wrong with telling her to want a sibling?” My mother’s voice boomed in response. “If you’re so keen on grandchildren, why not have your son find someone else to bear them?” Lan’s voice.
Lan burst into the room, lights flicking on, casting shadows as she angrily gathered my clothes and flung them at the door. “I’m divorcing him today! Are you happy now?” Her voice was filled with a mix of despair and defiance.
Stunned, I sat up, disbelief swirling in my mind. The word “divorce” echoed, unreal and distant. Memories of a lonely childhood under my grandmother’s care in the village surfaced, contrasting starkly with the chaos before me. Hadn’t Lan promised never to leave me? Yet, here we were, on the brink of abandonment.
“Son, are you all right?” My mother’s worried voice broke through my daze. I tried to respond, but words failed me.
Linlin’s crying pierced the tense air. Lan scooped her up, retreating to their room, leaving a deafening silence in her wake. My mother’s quiet departure left me alone with my thoughts.
The room, despite the morning light, felt dim and oppressive. As I tried to steady my breath, the realization of our family, once a sanctuary, now reduced to a battleground of stubborn wills and unresolved grievances, weighed heavily on me. My mother’s resentment towards my perceived indifference, Lan’s frustration at my lack of empathy – both fueled a relentless cycle of conflict.
With every possible solution seeming out of reach, a sense of helplessness engulfed me. Whatever steps lay ahead, I knew they would demand difficult choices, possibly leading us into deeper challenges.
The abrupt ring of the phone shattered the stillness, snapping me back to the present. Grasping it with a trembling hand, I braced for more turmoil.
On the line was my younger brother Dong, his voice a cocktail of elation and anxiety. He shared news of his wife’s pregnancy and her need for our mother’s assistance.
I relayed the news to my mother. After a moment of contemplation, she suggested a plan – to take Linlin with her. She argued it would allow her to assist my brother’s wife while caring for Linlin, offering Lan some respite.
Lan’s reaction to this proposal was immediate and resolute. The thought of being separated from Linlin was unbearable for her. “It’s like abandoning her,” she said.
The next few days were filled with contemplation and discussion. Weighing our options, I eventually came to a conclusion. “I’ll quit my job and take care of Linlin at home. Your salary is higher than mine, and I can’t cover the family expenses alone.” I knew Lan was excellent at her job and loved her work; it would be unfair to expect her to be a stay-at-home mom.
My suggestion was met with a profound silence from her. After a lengthy contemplation, she finally spoke, “No, your job in the public sector is too valuable to give up. If you leave now, returning might be nearly impossible. Let me discuss a work-from-home arrangement with my supervisor.”
After her negotiations, Lan switched from her managerial role to a technical position, a move that granted her the flexibility to work from home.
As the days turned into weeks, we slowly found our way to a new normal. The once frequent confrontations with my mother eased, especially after she moved to live with my brother, leaving us to find a new equilibrium. The atmosphere in our home began to thaw, marked by fewer silent treatments from Lan, and slowly, we found ourselves returning to a semblance of our once peaceful life.
One quiet evening, Lan and I found ourselves in a rare moment of peace after Linlin’s bedtime. “We’re navigating through this together, aren’t we?” I asked, reaching out for an emotional connection that had been strained in the past months. Lan’s nod and a soft smile offered a glimmer of hope.
Later, as I lay in the quiet of the night, I envisioned a future where our home was a haven of love and mutual respect, a nurturing environment for Linlin to grow up in harmony.
The journey ahead was uncertain, filled with unseen challenges. But in that serene moment, we found a sliver of peace—a small victory, perhaps temporary, but a much-needed respite in the complex journey of our family life.
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