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May 27, 2024

Grand Finale: Pizza Universe

By Piker Press Writers

With apologies to William Blake.

Deep dish! Deep dish! Burning bite
Of molten sauce to maim, delight,
What immortal, beer-steeped guy
Brought fame to humble pizza pie?

In what distant land or home
-- New York? Chicago? Maybe Rome? --
Was tomato sauce first gently spread?
What hand dared drape the first flat bread?

And what shoulder first did spin,
Shunning mundane rolling pin,
Tossing up into the hungry night,
Giving doughy disk to flight?

What the sausage? What the cheese?
Who first the home deliveries?
What ovens did he bake the pie in?
Who first came up with the Hawaiian?

When the bar threw down their beers,
And approved the pizza with bleary cheers,
Did he smile the gobbling mouths to see?
Did he toss in buffalo wings for free?

Deep dish! Deep dish! Burning bite
With molten sauce to maim, delight,
What immortal, beer-steeped guy
Brought fame to humble pizza pie?

-- Alexandra Queen

-- Blanche Nonken;

Ode to Pizza

Pizza, pizza, gooey glorious pizza
Mushroom, onions, pepperoni on top
Slather some sauce and hand full of cheese
Bake, slice and eat until you pop

Vegetarian, all cheese, or meat
It really doesn't matter
Every piece is good to eat
Piled up on a platter

Chicago style, thin or deep crust
Nobody will starve, fill your plate
Seconds are always a must
Pizza tonight? It's a date!

-- Lydia Manx

-- Dan Mulhollen

In a New York Second

There was a man in Ipswich who could hardly walk a step;
His hair had fallen off his head, his liver lost its pep;
He couldn't keep his pants up and his bunions were inflamed;
He had so many symptoms that they couldn't all be named.

He went to see a specialist in far-off New York City.
The doctor took his blood pressure and looked on him with pity.
"Dear fellow, you must make amends to your digestive tract
You've insulted it with vegetables, and it is sadly whacked.

The only course of action you can take to mend your health
Will not require blood sacrifice, nor swallow up your wealth --
Just this -- go down to Broadway and the fast food vendors find
And get you some New York Style pizza, ease your troubled mind.

It is crispy, it is crunchy, it is redolent of cheese;
The first few bites are glorious, they'll bring you to your knees,
And then the crust will strengthen you, your heart will strongly race,
Your muscles will all leap with joy, a smile will light your face,

And you'll be healed," the doctor said. "But before you pay your bill
I will write you a prescription, so your health insurance will
Pay for all your pizza. All the vendors know the code.
They take their business seriously, and your medication load

With provolone and mushrooms, crumbled sausages divine;
This wonder cure is best washed down with dry Italian wine.
You should take one slice at lunch time and another before bed;
And in three yummy days the pizza cure will clear your head."

The man from Ipswich took the cure and New York pizza ate;
His hair grew back, his toenails shone, he even got a date.
His health restored, he went back home as happy as a flea,
Until he found he missed the pizza pies of NYC.

His collection of rare bottles he auctioned off for cash
He sold off all his furniture and clothing -- rather rash.
But he said, "If you've got your health, then you have ev'rything.
In NYC with pizza near, I'll live just like a king."

He moved to The Big Apple and that's where he still resides
Eating pizza twice a day as his physician guides.
And now he runs in marathons and kayaks at the shore
He dances tangos with the girls and hunts the wild boar.

There is no moral to this tale, just culinary lore
The wisdom of the ancients that your memory should store:
A good New York style pizza will work better than most pills --
Pizza, lovely pizza, it's the cure for all your ills!

-- Sand Pilarski

Originally appeared 2006-08-28.

Article © Piker Press Writers. All rights reserved.
Published on 2013-04-01
Image(s) © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
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