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April 15, 2024

Notes From The Office 05

By Alexandra Queen

If I end up in jail (or the padded cell next to Britney), it will be Mattel's fault. (This, too.) But the scene pictured here is one of loving maternal nuturing. Not sociopathic glee. I swear to you.

My five year old daughter Lillian used some of her allowance (with her father's permission - not mine; I know where this shit leads) to purchase some Barbie Fairytopia Mix and Switch dolls. THEY COME DECAPITATED IN THE BOX ALREADY. I didn't do it! They also come bald, with wee tiny wigs that allow them to velcro outrageous do's on and off at whim. And interchangable butts. They have interchangable butts.

This is actually a concept I find myself very supportive of. I would love to be able to velcro on the huge purple hair and a big, trashy ass for weekends, then go back to the librarian up-do and a no-curves, no-nonsense, no-flapping stick body for the weekdays. But my fantasies aside, Lillian was deeply disappointed when the velcro came off one of the disembodied fairy heads, leaving one of the dolls looking like a heavily done up Patrick Stewart in an endless series of drag outfits.

Whipping out my trusty bottle of Gorilla Glue, Mommy swooped in to save the day.

Gorilla glue has to be clamped.

I didn't ask for this.

However I did get Fairy Barbie's ATM pin number. And the real story behind what happened to Skipper in Aruba.

In the mean time, take a look at how other writers have channeled their own unique experiences into something more productive than a fairy-fueled panic attack in the garage. This week in the Press: Mel Trent's Seraphim Twins cut a swath across the cover in a manner both profoundly visual and starkly minimalist; we are brought cooking and vampires by the versatile Lydia Manx (with whose thought processes I feel a certain kinship); we take a moment with things green and growing from Sand Pilarski; and we receive some insight into relationships from Dan Mulhollen.

Next week: Kimberly Zeidner debuts with Paradoxica, a tale of dream symbolism and addiction.

Hope you enjoy.

~ Alexandra Queen, senior editor

Article © Alexandra Queen. All rights reserved.
Published on 2008-02-18
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