My mother always told me that Billy wasn't a good influence on me. And damned if wasn't true. I'd never even thought his casual comment that some day I'd have to help him move a body was anything but one of his usual smart ass off the cuff remarks. He liked to shock me. I think it was the only thing that sustained our relationship at times. His constant teasing and my constant need for attention worked to keep us together through thick and thin.
And this was getting pretty thick.
"No way, Billy." I folded my arms over my chest and tried to glare at him.
"Way, this is a vampire." He partially pulled back the bed sheet to reveal the scantily clad bitch in our bed. After all, I still think a thong is considered clothing -- hers was blood red, from the peek I saw on her thigh.
"No, Billy, that's some chick you were sleeping with and killed. What did you do, strangle her too long? You know that last time I had bruises for a good month. Like nobody noticed me wearing scarves and turtlenecks last August during that wickedly ugly heat wave?" I was beyond disgusted. I knew he'd been sleeping with someone new because he hadn't touched me in over five weeks. I somehow thought it was a record but with all the work I'd been doing I was blaming myself, not him. The longest we'd ever gone without sex, now that I thought back. I sighed.
"Well, yeah I was sleeping with her, Pinky, but it wasn't like she meant anything to me. Come on, Baby Doll, you know you're the only true love of my life." He wasn't even looking embarrassed. Since he was using baby talk I knew that he found it all funny.
But then it wasn't the first time he'd found something strange to keep his urges in check. Most relationships had their ups and downs. But it was the first time he'd called me from work to come home and find a body in our bed. I chewed my lower lip and looked at the 'nothing'. She was not exactly nothing.
Somehow I could believe she had been something special. Vampire -- I so doubted -- but hot for sure. Her lips were sort of blue from being strangled but I could still see they were much more lush and far sexier than my thin lips. They still were beautifully shaded with a burgundy matte lipstick that gave her soft kissable appearing lips that Billy didn't resist -- not couldn't resist, just that he didn't. Add in those lashes on her cheeks had to be at least a half-inch long. And the damn cheeks were snow white and defined with sharp bones and hollowed out, giving her a model's face. And what I could see of her body it was equally as sensual and exotic. She wasn't a model I recognized so maybe she just looked like one.
I knew what Billy looked for in women. She was everything and a bit more. Her nearly six-foot frame would have made him weep. I wasn't much over five feet tall and he always wanted me to grow a good six inches. Ever since Billy first met me when I was all of twelve he nagged me to grow. I grew when I got cleavage but not much more in the way of height. He clocked in at six feet by fourteen and cleared six-three in the later part of his teen years. Over the years I figured out that I'd do absolutely anything that Billy wanted but I couldn't grow any taller. The four-inch heels I wore daily pretty much had destroyed my feet -- but that was what Billy liked. After all his straying over the years, he always came back to me.
My silence stretched into the room like a hungry beast waiting for a chance to pounce and tear apart the weak. Billy was weak. He didn't know it but I did. As we'd been together since I was a teenager, and I was in on the ground floor of Billy's development, I'd seen pretty much all the good, bad and ugly about his personality. His half dozen years on me seemed impressive back then. Now I knew I was weak for him. I hated it about me but if he was my only weakness I would accept the fallout and deal with what came. And now it seemed a body came with our marriage. We'd been married for a dozen or so years now. I really had lost count.
"Come on, Josie, you need to tell me what to do about this problem." He was using that little lost boy tone that used to mean something. I tossed my large leather purse onto the dresser and looked at his 'problem'.
"Billy, this isn't just a problem, it's a nearly-naked-dead-bitch-in-our-bed issue!" He was ignoring my tone and still grinning slightly. I was definitely still counting the red thong as clothes despite her seeming nudity. Naturally the thong was a minor accessory and I wondered if he screwed her around it or what. Besides he was completely missing the point of my anger, naturally, since his prowess as a 'swordsman' was evident by the hot corpse under the covers.
Something nasty crept into my brain, "You're sure she's like totally dead, right?"
"Josie, honey, of course she's dead. I wouldn't have called you if I thought she'd been alive. I mean look at this," he further yanked back the covers which had been partially covering her side, showing me a gaping wound below her shapely and -- of course -- perky breasts. Both nipples were pierced and so was her chest -- kinda below it. I was strangely fascinated and leaned in to see my favorite wooden spoon rather markedly protruding from the gash. The top sheet was spattered with bright, wet blood.
"How the hell did that get jammed into her?" I couldn't recall ever using my kitchen spoon in bed before -- Billy was pretty kinky but that one had me puzzled.
His head dipped and he mumbled something.
"What, Billy?" I wasn't even looking at him so I couldn't exactly read his lips.
Billy mumbled even quicker than he had before and nothing made sense. I saw the wooden handle in the dead gal's chest but there was surprisingly little blood seeping from the wound and her chest definitely wasn't rising and falling. Nope, the bitch wasn't breathing or bleeding. Damn, I hated this oddball sort of crap. I wasn't sure if our marriage would survive this slice of hell.
No matter how I twisted it in my brain there still was a dead body in my bed!
"Shit, speak up, Billy -- hello -- my favorite spoon?" I turned back to see he was casually rubbing his ass. A prickle of concern flitted through my mind but I sucked it up and waited for his answer. I well knew I wasn't going to like the reply much because he had a damn all-too-knowing smirk on his face that I was far too familiar with over the past few years.
He hadn't bothered to put on a shirt but the jeans that he was wearing were my favorite ones. The soft cotton blue jeans that had to be over fifteen years old, you couldn't buy jeans that felt like that, they had to be worn in to get that feeling. He'd only half buttoned up the jeans and I could see that he wasn't wearing anything else. Something twisted inside me as it registered that he'd just pulled those sexy jeans up over his ass before I'd gotten inside. I made a mental note to burn them once all this crap was over. If he was lucky he wouldn't be in them.
"She was whaling on my ass with it. Hell, Sugar, what'd you expect? While I was busy riding her I sort of slipped," he finally spoke. His clear declaration of what he'd been doing sunk into my stomach like a lead ball and I wished I hadn't asked. Billy liked more pain than I did and I wasn't able to dish it out to his satisfaction I'd discovered over the years.
"But that's my favorite spoon!" I felt stupid the second the words clear my lips. I couldn't pull them back with my wishes and the smirk lit his lips again as he savored my slip.
"Well, yeah, that made me think of you, Baby!" He moved his hand to the front of his jeans and to my shock I saw that the thought was exciting him. His recent dalliance aside -- he was ready to go again.
God, he was so sexy. A ripple of awareness and desire swam over my body and sunk into my brain. I had to shake my head to clear the images whipping through my sick mind. The wide smile on his lips let me know that he was well aware of how my thoughts had flown. Jerk knew me too well. He was poison to me that I kept sipping in small doses hoping to grow immune. Looking at the lush body in my bed I wondered if I'd finally got the cure.
"Josie, her hand dropped the spoon and I had just thrust in hard and fell forward. I guess that angle was wrong or she was like weak in that spot or something?" He was asking me like I'd been there? I sighed.
"But you were choking her, why didn't you..." I trailed off on finishing my question as I saw that Billy seemed to be drifting off in his memories of the event. His eyes had drifted over my head somewhere as I leaned over to get a better look at my spoon's resting place. Not exactly the crock in the kitchen but definitely a crock of something.
Just then the body on my bed bolted upright. I leaped back and Billy was still staring off into space. Her eyes blinked open and she looked down and saw the spoon. Growling she yanked out the spoon with a disturbingly wet noise.
"Billy, what the hell were you thinking?" Her voice, of course, was as sexy as her body. I stood stupidly by the bed, not more than two breaths from her closing wound, unable to move. She snapped her thong up adjusting and that answered my earlier thought. Victoria didn't have many secrets from that gal.
My dim-witted hubby stood at the foot of the bed and his head swiveled back and forth between us both. He was transfixed by his not-so-dead lover and me -- his wife -- who were now face to face, and I wasn't exactly feeling the mood to bail him out. Go figure. Then he winked at me. Or her. I couldn't tell.
"Ladies, let's not argue! I really thought you were dead." He was definitely looking at the supposed vampire. But since she had my spoon in her chest up until a few seconds ago I was beginning to wonder what the hell she was. I didn't think it was normal to stop breathing for more than a few minutes at a time much less yank out a spoon that'd been thrust at least six inches in one's body. The hole in her side looked smaller than a minute ago and I cringed inwardly as I saw that.
"Shut the hell up, Billy," I snarled.
The woman my husband claimed was a vampire growled, "Yes, shut the fuck up." She caught my dismayed look and added, "There's no need to be polite to him. He did after all use your best wooden spoon, Josie."
Not to mention he'd been screwing her in my bed. I wasn't nearly as upset about the bed as I was about the spoon. It took years to properly season a heavy wooden spoon while the bed would be easily replaced. My mind was jumping all around not facing the real issue before me. What was she?
Distractedly, I refocused and assessed what she'd just said. Okay, so she knew my name and had been listening while I thought she was just some body that I quite literally was going to have to dispose of with Billy. Color me surprised. I took another step away from the bed where she was still ensconced and rapidly healing. I guess the spoon didn't do as much damage as I'd thought. I heard myself in my head and thankfully hadn't said it aloud as I knew that I was deluded if not losing my mind. She'd been very dead by human standards; therefore she wasn't human. Great -- sexy and inhuman -- not to mention she was also my husband's lover.
Vampire or whatever she was definitely trouble. It didn't matter that now she wasn't a body to chuck into some random stream or lake because she was looking like she belonged supine on the king-sized bedding I'd so thoughtfully cleaned just a night ago. I made a mental note to donate the sheets and bedding when buying the new bed. I always wanted to try the high-end Egyptian cotton sheets and I was pretty sure that this little incident was more than a reason for such a purchase. It wasn't like Billy was broke. His trust fund had come in handy more than once. Not that I relied on it -- which was why I'd been at work while he'd been 'entertaining' -- but I did plan on spending some serious coinage to clean up this mess.
That reminded me, "Billy, my dear, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?"
My teeth didn't have fangs but the bite was there nevertheless.
To be continued...