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May 27, 2024

Tongue in Cheek - Democrat Manifesto

By The Tongue

In the interests of not being too one-sided, the Tongue has decided to take a look at things from "the other guy's" point of view. After spending fifteen minutes imagining himself as a Democrat, he is inspired to make a few resolutions...

Democrat Manifesto

For over twelve years, we have written off that which we love and cherish. No longer will I stand aside and let my beloved country slip into that long, cold darkness that is to be French.

I have seen twelve years of neglect for our space agency, the U.S. military, F.B.I. and C.I.A. Twelve years of appeasement to upstart countries that even the French could beat in an (unfair) fight. Therefore I pledge the following:

1. I swear to stand behind our soldiers. I will insure that they receive the best equipment that can be made, no matter the cost. I understand the hardship the soldiers' families face and will ensure that they are provided for and safe. I will ensure that the U.S. soldier is paid for the services they provide their country.

2. I will stand behind and support the U.S. soldier no matter what my personal feelings on any matter may be and if at any time a soldier is M.I.A or thought to be held by a foreign country, I will not rest and will bring whatever resources I command to bring about his return home.

3. I will ensure the safety of the American people by providing whatever resources are needed to gather intelligence, disrupt or terminate terrorist activities around the globe.

4. I will put the interest of the American people above my own or that of my party. I will put qualified judges on the bench no matter what their political beliefs. I will weep as my Republican foes fall before the righteous vote of the people sick of the political games that hurt America.

5. I will not stand for murder of the innocent. I will call abortion what it is and those who commit it by their name -- murderers. I will not stand by or look away so that I can gather votes. Should by my belief in life I be voted out of office, I will go knowing that I not only stood for something, but that I stood for those who could not stand up for themselves.

6. I will fight corruption and injustice at any level. My vote will be for the people who entrusted it to me.

7. I will never stop fighting for education, at city, county, state or federal level. I will attend or have someone on my staff attend every important meeting. I will endeavor to put money where it belongs -- in the hands of the teachers. When I leave office, I hope they say that when the evil Republicans came with their army of budget cuts and French advisors, I was the bastion the teachers stood behind.

Yep, the Tongue is starting to like being a Democrat. So much so that he promises there is more to come...

Article © The Tongue. All rights reserved.
Published on 2003-02-10
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