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June 24, 2024

Fishfaces of the Rich and Famous

By Alexandra Queen

Owning an aquarium is a hobby that has long been recognized as both educational and a source of stress relief, but thanks to Uncle Edgar's Celebrity Fishface Farm your tank can also be an exciting and glamorous getaway!

Fishface dance, fishface sing, fishface do most anything Catherine Beta-Jones collage

For a singular showpiece, consider a Catherine Beta-Jones. These glamorous fishfaces liven up your tank and can give great advice on how to use your cell phone, but be forewarned - they do not get along well with other fishfaces or ex-boyfriends and they can be agressive when filmed without their agent's consent.

Cindy Crawfish collageFor five dollars, you were expecting lobster?

Add some drama to the bottom of your tank with a Cindy Crawfish. It is widely believed that this fishface makes any tank look good and you'll find these fishfaces in high demand. Cindy Crawfishes are almost unhealthily skinny, so they fit nicely in any size aquarium, however they tend to break down and try to eat any other fishfaces that share their habitat. Uncle Edgar hopes that if you select a Cindy Crawfish for your underwater habitat, you'll be kind and give the poor thing a sandwich.

Sandra Berhana collageFrightening Fishfaces

Some people are drawn to more horrifying, menacing fishfaces, so Uncle Edgar is proud to offer the Sandra Berhana. Invite guests over and watch them recoil from your tank in shock and then lean in to watch with revolted fascination! Watch out for the biting wit of these highly entertaining fishfaces.

Martha Sturgeon collage Bottom Feeders

Of course, keeping your tank clean is a necessary but time consuming chore. To make this task easier, Uncle Edgar suggests a Martha Sturgeon. Unlike a Kevin Plecostnermus, Martha Sturgeons do more than just suck algae off the walls. You'll find these fishfaces to be endless sources of quaint, labor-intensive decorating ideas for your aquarium, from hand-painting seasonal motifs on each individual piece of gravel at the bottom of the tank to arranging feces in festive holiday wreaths. Be sure to install a heater because Martha Sturgeons can chill the waters around them quickly, especially when asked about financial issues.

The next time you find yourself sharing a sandwich with the same old fishface, pop on over to Uncle Edgar's Celebrity Fishface Farm and glam up your tank! With so many exciting and fabulous celebrity fishfaces to choose from, you can't go wrong.

Article © Alexandra Queen. All rights reserved.
Published on 2003-03-31
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