I burned a lot of bridges
and spoke a lot of lies,
My intentions weren't meant to harm you.
In truth, I just hated who I was inside.
I lied on many names
As a way to build relationships,
I never cared about the pain I caused;
Until I got a taste of it.
I just wanted to be loved, kept and accepted;
And only now can I admit,
it started when
by my own father, I was rejected.
It left a hole in my heart,
a deep yearning for a partner.
A contradiction to myself, I was,
Craving love whilst wearing armor.
I had suppressed memories
that I'd often try to revisit.
Ones that used to be a blur, are clear;
And now every single dream is vivid.
Excuses are not what i mean to make here,
and I mean no interruption.
Just a former lowlife turned healer,
Please allow me this re-introduction.
Showing you vulnerable pieces of me,
to prove my evolution.
Here are some things
I've learned about myself,
I offer as contribution.
What started as self love and healing,
Quickly turned to shadow work.
I took one peek inside my soul,
Couldn't help myself, I had to lurk.
I wrestled with the core of the darkness,
In hopes to find the shadow me;
to battle and confront.
In a manic rage,I was desperate to find
the smallest details to obstruct.
Instead I found a saddened girl,
One who knew not but fear.
I reached to grab her hand,
She jolted, as I neared.
"I mean you no harm", I said.
Then quickly wiped her tears.
She said, "she did want us to be happy."
Gave Apologies, despite.
But then explained to me how,
being vulnerable meant weakness.
It was just easier to fight.
We talked and we visited,
for a way to mend.
Understanding and perceiving;
In terms we both could comprehend.
She always wanted to shine, she said.
But felt she was beneath it.
I gave her access to the light,
Now we both shall own and seize it.