A Place You Could Not Follow

I’ll soon be there
And our lives, still joined, will separate
Maybe ever so slightly – a crack in the foundation
Possible deeper and faster than anticipated
My speed will diminish
My understanding will lessen
My patience – such as it is – will dissolve

I barely survived yesterday –
Heart irregularities, dizziness, loss of balance
My fear – perhaps a recognition from decades
Working with physicians
negated a call to the doctor          Only to be
sent to the emergency room          Only to be
told to sit for ninety minutes          To be
without medication          Because
Doctors are in short supply           Because
beds are in short supply           Because
I’d rather die at home
even if alone

I remained silent as you left the house           To
Help your brother           To
Visit your grandson
I remained on our reclining divan           In case
I fainted           In case
the blood pressure cuff read lower
the pulse higher
than before you drove away
86/42 – 119 pulse
64/31 – 124 pulse
Repeated every fifteen minutes
Dizziness and disorientation as if from a blow to the head
Chest exhausted
Frozen inside stunned incomprehension           Decisions
too complicated           Movement
too difficult           Breaths
too short.