Pied Piper Inc. is ecstatic to announce the release of their newest and most enthralling smartphone game to date. SUPER DRAGON’S WORD BENDER ADVENTURE is an exciting matching, spelling, trivia, and race game you will find impossible to put down. The game can be downloaded from all major App Stores for only $.99. You’ll love that the game does not force you to watch any ads and that it has no in-game purchases. No Wi-Fi is needed. Download the game today and begin your journey into hours of fun.
***
“Hey, Hon, can you come and help me with the dishes?” called Joanie Lorenze from the kitchen.
Her husband, Tim, didn’t stop to look up from his phone. “In a few minutes, I’m trying to finish level 10 of SDWBA.”
Joanie appeared in the doorway, leaning against it. “Boy, you must really like that game. You’ve been playing it for an hour straight. Is it that good?”
“Actually,” said Tim, still pushing buttons. “It’s not that great. The play is a little laggy and every once in a while, the screen blinks and flashes weird colors. I don’t think the game itself is very exciting. I mean there’s nothing new. It’s nothing but a mash-up of games already on the market.”
“So, why don’t you put it down and come help me with the dishes?”
“Give me a second. I’m going to try level ll.”
***
Pied Piper Inc. is pleased to announce that SUPER DRAGON’S WORD BENDER ADVENTURE is now the top-selling smartphone game in history. Nearly 100 million people in the U.S. have purchased the game and are spending an average of ten hours a day helping Super Dragon match eggs and build words that answer trivia questions and beat the clock. We are celebrating the game’s amazing success by adding a thousand new levels. Don’t miss out on the fun. If you haven’t gotten caught up in the phenomena yet, download it today.
***
“I hate this stupid game,” whined Joanie. She hit the restart button and started her fourth attempt at level 125.
“I know,” said Tim from his spot next to her on the couch. “It’s so frustrating. I want to quit but I can’t. I know I can finish this level. It shouldn’t be that difficult.”
“Shouldn’t you be leaving for work pretty soon?” asked Joanie.
“I called in sick,” said Tim. “I’ve got some extra sick days so I might as well use them. What about you?”
“I’ll go soon. Let me just get through a couple more levels.”
***
This week Pied Piper Inc. is super hyped to release an expansion pack for SUPER DRAGON’S WORD BENDER ADVENTURE. For only $4.99 you can download an entirely new chapter in Super Dragon’s story. Help everyone’s favorite fire-breathing hero search for golden eggs. The expansion features the same great gameplay that everybody loves.
***
“And Reynolds swings and hits a high pop-up to left field. It should be an easy catch . . . but wait, Gomez isn’t moving. He seems to be staring at his glove. Is he playing a game on his phone? The ball drops behind him and rolls to the wall. Two runs are going to score. I can’t believe what I just saw. Have you ever seen anything like that, Bob?”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t watching. I’ve almost got a golden egg.”
“Will you turn the baseball game off?” whined Joanie. “It’s distracting me from Super Dragon.”
“Oh, sorry,” replied Tim, “I didn’t even know the TV was on.”
Neither one of them looked up from their position on the couch. A half-eaten frozen pizza and a dozen empty energy drink cans sat on the coffee table in front of them.
“By the way,” announced Joanie, “we got a voicemail about our auto insurance premium going up after your last accident. I didn’t listen to the whole thing.” She jabbed her finger at her phone repeatedly. “You really shouldn’t play the game while you’re driving.”
“Why not? Everybody else does. Heck, you do it too.”
“Well, I’m more careful than you.”
***
We at Pied Piper Inc. have learned that some of our 200 million users in the U.S. are playing our game a little too much. We have been asked to suggest that it would be a good idea if you started playing more responsibly. Please, feel free to take occasional breaks. Put the game down for fifteen minutes or a half-hour and spend some time with your family. Hey, we know how great the game is but it’s okay to set it aside for short periods of time.
***
“Arggh!” shouted Tim. “Where’s my phone?” He knelt down and frantically searched under the couch.
“Don’t you remember?” said Joanie. “You asked me to hide it so you wouldn’t sit around playing the game all day. You said you needed to go to work at least once this week.”
“Well, I don’t. I just got an e-mail from my supervisor. He’s giving the entire team a SUPER DRAGON game day. Since nobody’s getting anything done in the office, he figures maybe we’ll get all the game playing out of our systems.”
Joanie was still frantically tapping her phone. “That sounds like a good idea.”
“I think he just wants a day to play without being interrupted. He’s so jealous that I’m fifty levels higher than him.”
“You’re phone’s in the refrigerator.”
Mark stood up and raced toward the kitchen. “I tried to delete the game last night but I just couldn’t bring myself to push the button.”
***
Pied Piper Inc. by order of the U.S. Senate resolution SD-86 (though, we would like to point out that the vote was only 51 to 49) will be disabling the game, SUPER DRAGON’S WORD BENDER ADVENTURE, for twelve hours per day starting immediately. The game will not be available from 6:00 AM to 6:00 PM each day. Feel free to continue to enjoy our marvelous game during your evenings and nights.
***
“I don’t know if I can go to work today. I’m exhausted. I was up all night playing the game,” yawned Joanie.
“Well, you better,” replied Tim. “I got laid off yesterday. Our company’s business is down over 70% lately. People just aren’t using our streaming services. Why should they? They don’t need to watch movies; they play SUPER DRAGON all night.”
“Well, that’s what you do.”
“I know, but you know as well as I do that we can’t quit playing.”
“If we aren’t going to work and the game is offline, what are we going to do until 6:00?” asked Joanie. After a short pause, she added, “I suppose we could clean up around here.”
Their living room was a mess. Empty cans and food wrappers were scattered everywhere. Shoes and discarded sweaters were strewn all about. A large slice of pepperoni pizza was stuck against the screen of the flat-screen TV; a remnant of Tim’s tantrum over failing to make the match that would have given him a super-powered egg and the extra lives that went along with it.
Tim thought for a moment. “There are a lot of videos on YouTube of people playing Super Dragon. We started watching them at work when this stupid 12-hour play stoppage went into effect. We could watch some of them.”
“Sure, why not? I’ve seen most of them already,” replied Joanie. “They aren’t as satisfying as playing the game but at least they are something.”
“You know,” said Tim. “I wish we could just forget about this idiotic game and life could go back to normal.”
“Me too. Do you have the link to the videos?”
***
We at Pied Pipe Inc. have heard your pleas. We know you can’t get enough of our fantastic game but we also understand that the unprecedented popularity of SUPER DRAGON’S WORD BENDER ADVENTURE is beginning to cause some minor problems such as the stock market crash and suspension of services like the fire department and hospital care. Since the announcement that many schools and universities are shutting down, we have been working day and night (well, actually just day, we play the game at night) to find a solution to our game’s popularity that is best for everyone involved.
***
“I’m so hungry,” said Tim, frantically trying to earn his next level. Beads of sweat rolled down the side of his face. “I wish they’d come and fix the air conditioner, soon.”
“No one is coming. Every repair shop in the city is out of business. Besides, the air conditioner isn’t going to work until the electricity is restored.” Joanie didn’t bother to look up from her phone. “What are we going to do if the power doesn’t come back on again? My phone is down to 40% power.”
“Don’t even say that,” scolded Tim. “They have to get it going again. They don’t want more riots like the ones in Chicago or Pasadena.”
“Somebody bet figure something out. It could be the end of the world if they don’t.”
“Ohhh,” shouted Tim. “I got a double golden egg!”
***
Pied Piper Inc. is excited to make the following very important announcement. Having been granted immunity to any lawsuits or criminal charges by executive order of the president of the United States (an avid SDWNA player), both houses of Congress, and the judicial system, we are announcing the creation of a new App that will completely eliminate any hypnotic effects that SUPER DRAGON’S WORD BENDING ADVENTURE may have had on the 250 million people who purchased the game. The app will be available immediately for the low price of $99.00 per phone. Unfortunately, the addiction-causing glitches were specific to each individual phone. Therefore, each user will need to download their own version of the anti-hypnotizing program. The app may not be shared.
We at Pied Piper Inc. hope you enjoy our new product and look forward to doing business with you again in the near future.
Coming soon from Pied Piper Inc. -- My Precious Gold-Plated Ring. Make your friends jealous when you show them your beautiful .012-karat gold ring with a mysterious inscription. You’ll never want to take it off.
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