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November 27, 2023
"Mes de los Muertos"

The Aser Stories 15: Moguls

By Sand Pilarski

Dear Aser,

My ass is draggin' and I ain't gettin' any younger. What can I do about this humiliatin' sitchyation?


So here's this aging singer who just doesn't want to admit that time does pass. She gets the neck tightened, and the breast implants, and the tummy tuck, and the arse-lift; the botox for the forehead, then collagen implants for the puffy-lips look; next couple years the eyelids need de-sagged and the dye isn't working well anymore so now we need lots of wigs. More time passes, and the still-successful singer doesn't even have a clue that it was her voice that people enjoyed. All the implants and plastic surgeries have kept her silhouette looking good, but close up, damn, she looks like the work of an apprentice taxidermist, and only the lizardmen are interested. And now she's gonna quit the business because she can no longer look good, and all that's left are past recordings.

With friends, it's never a case of age. Or if it is, they weren't friends. And with humiliation, it's never a case of age, either. Maybe it's just getting to a level of self- acceptance you should have come to long ago? Why are some people tired and some people not? No way to tell. Why are some people trolls and some people elves? Why do some people work hard and others slack off like they were trying out for the Sloth Team? There never has been an answer to those questions, and never will be, because if we were all the same, who would we want to talk about?

Dear Moguls,

Any younger than what? Maybe what you need is a change of employment. Let me suggest that you go to work as assistant to the town embalmer. No matter how old you get, you'll still be younger than DEAD.

In the meantime, send your ass to obedience school. There are few things more annoying in life than a jackass that won't listen. Or trade the donkey in on a wheelbarrow.


Article © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
Published on 2007-06-04
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