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February 19, 2024

Meet John Taylor

By Pete Armetta

I enjoy silly string more than the average person. I laughed when Anderson Cooper got scared by the fake Bigfoot. The lady in the library's smug for some reason. They're mowing down trees and building roads and putting up stores and the weather's nice and there's lots of activity all around. I had giggles yesterday when the postman asked me if I knew where John Taylor lived and I told him no. Then told him I was just kidding. He smiled and gave me my mail, this all before my appointment downtown with that big time hotshot loud-mouthed lawyer. I can't stand him. But everybody's got their quirks, right? He's the kind you want on your side when you get yourself in a jam and I'm in a jam, so that's what matters. His antics are worth the price of admission.

To me anyway.

I brushed my teeth with that old fashioned Pepsodent toothpaste. It's nice being frugal when three dollars more for the highbrow toothpaste doesn't amount to a hill of beans of difference in the scheme of things is the case. So many interesting facts. Like I got myself all cleaned up and wound up sitting slumped over in a fancy leather chair in that hotshot lawyer's office, in that downtown row of historic federal-style houses. Interesting facts there with supposed dead presidents having slept around close by and that lawyer going on about everything he does and who he talks to, and on my dime right?

You know what I mean.

Not much good customer service nowadays. That from a "bygone era." I remember it though, I do. Sally told me she thought she was in an actual hidden-camera situation when she called Netflix customer service and the person on the other end was so "real and polite" was how she put it, and "in this day and age" is what she said. Interesting fact when a nice phone call is the exception rather than the rule, doncha think? Anyway, yeh, so I dealt with that fancy lawyer and his trappings and the INSTANT they gave me the four-figure damage I became transfixed by the cute little caboose on his secretary. Being they're the ones that helped shut me down, and I was payin' with my winnings, and they knew this and didn't care, I stood a little too close to her while writing the check. But it won't amount to a hill of beans of difference like I said in the scheme of things, really, when they're mowing down trees and building roads and putting up stores continuously, all around me, every day.

Interesting facts and details. Like that silly string. That was forty years ago or so right? Well I got me some cans! I sprayed it on a few well-chosen people. I couldn't contain myself and busted out laughing like nobody's business! They were not amused. Were they scared the string'd be permanent?

That was their expression.

So I finally got home and the wife did her thing. I mean what with the dinner and putting the kids down and managing the house like she always claimed she'd be good at doing. She made chicken potpie which is fine enough, although I've eaten it like a gazillion times! Yeh, she claimed she'd be good at all that back in high school when I met her. She boasted she'd be the best homemaker; her Momma boasted that too back then. My Daddy even said, "Son, you better latch onto that one, I mean being she's boasting she'll cook and clean and take care of you from now 'til forever, you don't wanna let her slip through your fingers." So being she boasted and her Momma boasted and my Daddy encouraged it, once I married her I just let her do it her thing all these years. Interesting facts right? What did I know? She ain't boasting so much anymore but the way I see it, she talked herself into it. I ain't got no complaints!

She does a good job.

Article © Pete Armetta. All rights reserved.
Published on 2014-06-16
Image(s) © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
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