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September 25, 2023

A Modern Fairy Tale

By Ken Dubuque

In an interesting twist on the financial crisis is the story, or better said saga, of three brothers in the state of South Pacific Coast.

The Porcine family grew up in a hardworking blue collar neighborhood in the Valley. They were only a few years apart in age and were quite close. They played football in high school together: one a quarterback, the other a wide receiver and the third an offensive lineman; had the same friends; and triple dated. They even went to the same college -- East Central State -- where they kept tossing the old pigskin to set new conference records.

Upon graduation, they married two sisters and a cousin, had two children each and bought three houses on the same street not far from where they grew up. One brother worked as an encyclopedia pitchman, another as a late-night-TV-products shipping and receiving clerk, and the third as a machinist for a block and tackle company. They continued to enjoy each other's camaraderie, even getting together each Sunday for a family barbeque where chicken was the preferred choice.

Life was good until the financial sky fell in on the Valley. It seems Old Reliable Eighth Sixth Financial got swept up in the real estate boom and made credit easily available. The three Porcine brothers all had obtained their mortgages from this bank whose tag line was "We're not full of hot air." Also they bought their houses from Lobo and Sons Builders whose motto was "Our houses will never be blown away."

The youngest brother was the first to get hit. His encyclopedia sales hadn't been so good and his wife, being kind of an extreme conservationist, kept spending on the latest environmentally friendly fad, including straw-filled building block for the house. Lobo and Sons had been more than happy to use the block because no one else wanted it as it kind of smelled, causing it to be pretty cheap. Not surprisingly the block started to rot, the value of the house dropped and was soon underwater. With an almost non-existent net worth, the little brother was soon homeless, as Old Reliable (etc) Financial foreclosed. Luckily his oldest brother took him in.

Every evening thereafter he watched his former house float away on the Santa Banana winds, while muttering to himself: "This little Porcine has none."

The next youngest brother's job as a shipping and receiving clerk soon disappeared as the TV products company went bankrupt. Meanwhile his cedar house turned out not be made of that durable wood but bug-infested almond.

When asked, one of the Lobo sons said "The wood looked the same to us except for a few knot holes."

Soon the second youngest brother also became homeless when Less Reliable Financial, as the bank was now called, foreclosed. His oldest brother took him in as well.

Every evening thereafter he watched his former house, now pretty much sawdust, be carried away by the Santa Banana winds, while quietly crying: "Wee, wee, wee."

The oldest brother, whom the two younger brothers had always teased about being dull, saying things like "this little Porcine stayed home," surprised his siblings.

He had supervised Lobo builders and insisted upon erecting his house, not with their poorer materials but with adobe he had made himself in a backyard kiln. Also he had worked a lot of overtime as a result of a boom in block and tackle products. He used the money to make some wise investments, saving enough to pay off his mortgage to Old Reliable.

But the real shocker was that he had been buying preferred stock in Old-Now-Less-Reliable Financial. So when the bank was about to go under, he stepped in, with the help of the good ol'USA, and bought the company. He then changed its name to Three Brothers Savings and Building Company with their new motto: "We won't let anything come down your chimney." The S and B then foreclosed on Lobo and Sons when shoddy fabrication lawsuits bankrupted them, despite a lot of huffing and puffing. The resulting construction division built two houses, with affordable mortgages from the savings division, for his younger brothers.

Every evening thereafter they all sat on their three side-by-side porches and watched the beautiful sunsets created by the floating straw and dust on the Santa Banana winds. They also ate delicious roast beef sandwiches that were made at their very own market; a new division of the newly named Three Brothers Inc.

Article © Ken Dubuque. All rights reserved.
Published on 2018-07-02
Image(s) are public domain.
1 Reader Comments
Michael Griffith
08:26:04 PM
I can't express how brilliant this is! I am very glad to have read it!
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