"Hello ... Mother?"
"Which Mother do you want to speak to, hon? We have a LOT of mothers here in Heaven. You'll have to be more specific, and I don't have all day. Actually, I do have all day and all of eternity, but I'm really busy, so just give me a name."
"Sheesh. I didn't realize there was a switchboard in Heaven. How fantastic! Just look up The Ancient One. Believe me, there's only one person who fits those parameters."
"Connecting you now ... please hold, and have a nice life. See you when you're ready ... unless the Devil gets you first, nyuck, nyuck, tee hyar hyar."
"KK? OH ... MY... GOD! And, wait until you see HIM! Why, he looks just like the God that that adorable Michelangelo painted on the Sistine Chapel. I'm running off to play mahjong, sweetie, what can I do for you?"
"Well, Mother ... I wanted to know how you're doing ... catch you up on goings on down here on earth and ... maybe just have a nice long chat."
"Oh Kelly, my darling. I KNOW everything and see everything and it's all just marvelous, what you're doing, how you and Sal are getting along, and the amazing things that are going to come your way. Once they de-veined me of all the judgments I used to have about everything, I have never been happier ... EVER! Oh, and that beautiful male cardinal you saw just outside your window not long ago ... that was I. Hee, hee ... just checking in."
"I KNEW IT! I knew that was you. So, that was my only visitation? A freaking bird? That was IT!?! Should I go to a medium if I want a really long visitation or call a psychic ... set up a séance ... WHAT?"
"Hell no! Those are just bells and whistles. We do like choirs though. Just see me in everything you do, say or feel, and I'll get the message. Listen, I've just got to go. I'm so late and don't want the shuttle to leave without me. Oh, and your Daddy sends his utmost love. Ta Ta!!"
"WHOA, WAIT a minute! Daddy is there? And, you're together again? And, he's a handsome 38-year-old, just like he was when he died? Don't hang up! I need more information!!" Mother? MOTHER?
"Miss? Sorry, The Ancient One, being new around here, is just way behind on everything. She's got a lot to learn about the way we do things up here. We can't seem to shut her up ... all the time laughing and giggling and dancing with your Daddy. She's a mess, but we're SO happy to have her."
"Well ...... okay then. Um ... Thanks very much. Tell her that we love and miss her!" Oh! Did you all let her start smoking again?