all you can do is take a big breath and jump

sometimes
i dream of him, now
that he’s gone

the tortoise, the parrot and the rabbit
all the pets, he
rescued for me

first bicycle ride
first fall, and not giving up
because of him

math homework
tricky questions
patience in his voice

first cigarette, and
all the morning coffees we shared together, and
first ‘falling in love’ I told him about

sometimes
i dream of him, even
when i am awake

little things bring back memories,
blurry faces from the distance, or
fathers with daughters passing by

he had his faults, but so do i;
he never judged me, yet
i judged him

now it’s too late to say i understand, being
a parent is a puzzle, perpetual, unsolved, and
all you can do is take a deep breath and jump

***

sometimes
i dream of him, now
that he’s gone