Girls

I lay on the grass
in my bathing suit
and looked at the women
in their suits
and after my older brother
asked if I wanted to go into the pool
I said "no"
and he said, to our cousins
"he wants to look at the girls"
and our cousins laughed
and I said "no I don't!"
and they laughed louder
and I was embarrassed
and confused
because I did want to look at
girls
but could not admit it
and felt that
I had to pretend otherwise--
be a hypocrite--
say I did not want to look
or even
that I did not like to look...
How I became a prig.