30 Days

I watched my lawyer approach the bench;
he had a nice suit on, nicer than mine.
He returned to the table and sat:
"six months to serve, and a year probation."

"No! Not six months! No time!"

He leaned closer; still had a tan from his 3 weeks
in Aruba: "look," he said, "you can't attack one of
the biggest realtors in the city and not do time."

"I did not attack the guy! It was an accident."

"Oh yea, accident." He wrote "accident " on a yellow pad.

"Hey, I am paying you, man! You can do better!"

My lawyer rose: "your honor, defense requests permission
to approach the bench." The judge said "permission granted."

"30 days to serve, 18 months probation."

"No! No time!"

"What is 30 days? You will be out before you know it."

"You been to jail, Smedley?"

"No."

"Well, if you had you would not be so cavalier about it.
I cannot do 30 days. I cannot do any time!"

"Oh boy," Smedley said. "Your honor..."

"...14 days, and 2 years probation. Best I can do. Better take it."

"Do I get a private cell and cable TV?"

"You do not get shit--you know that."

Yea, I knew. I knew.