High Commander Baylock pushed the monitor aside and glared at Captain Shous.
“Are you certain this report is accurate?”
Shous nodded her head, taking a slight step back as she did so. “Yes, High Commander. We can no longer ignore the Flavian Rebels. They have almost complete control of the third quadrant, and their raids have effectively halted all trade in the Nebular Corridor.”
“Well, then we have no choice,” said Bylock. “We have to destroy the rebel base.”
Captain Shous took another step away from the Commander. “That won’t be easy, Sir. Their base is on Planet 34Z. The force field they have surrounding it is impenetrable. Even if we sent the entirety of our fleet, we could not break through.”
“Then we need to wait for them to drop their shield.”
“That’s the problem. They don’t ever need to drop their shield. Their ships are able to pass through the force field with no ill effects." By now, Shous’s back was against the wall.
“So, you let the Flavian’s rebels get so strong that we have no way of attacking their base?” Baylock rose from his chair, all three nostrils on his bulbous nose flaring with ire. “You should have come to me sooner. You’d better have some sort of solution already figured out.”
“Well,” stammered Shous, “there is a plan that might work. The force field is impenetrable for our large warships, but a small two-passenger shuttle might be able to get past if it follows a rebel ship and rides its sonic wave.”
“What good will that do? How can two soldiers take down an entire rebel base?”
Amazingly, Shous found the courage to take a step forward. “It can work, Sir, if one of those soldiers is from Earth.”
Shous found herself retreating once again in a futile attempt to avoid the High Commander’s wrath. The color quickly drained from her face. Her usual dark green complexion shifted to a pale olive color.
“Are you crazy?” shouted the commander. “Earth is a Designation X planet. Primary Odor 1 prohibits any contact with that world, and for good reason, I might add.”
“It’s the only solution we can come up with.”
“I am not going to sanction any mission that requires us to use Earthlings.” Before Baylock could continue his rampage, his computer beeped loudly, and a voice came from one of its speakers.
“Uh, High Commander Baylock,” said a nervous voice. “This is Captain Hamb of the Alliance Ship Invincible. We have just been attacked by three Flavian battleships. We are seriously disabled, and the four trade cruisers we were guarding have been wiped out. We are attempting to return to base, but may need a repair ship to meet us if we are going to make it.”
Baylock slammed his fist into his desk, leaving a dent the size of Shous’s head in the metal. “Okay, Captain Shous, you have my permission to go ahead with your plan to use an Earthling to take down the rebel base. But I have to say, something about this plan doesn’t smell right to me.”
An unexpected smile formed on Shous’ face. “I’ll make it work, Sir.”
***
Pete Haroldson resisted the urge to turn right and drive to Mike’s Always Inn. While he could definitely use a couple of beers after a long night shift at the fertilizer plant, it was more important that he get home, take a shower, and get some rest. Tomorrow was going to be a big day, what with taking Angie to the legion picnic and all.
When he reached the end of the gravel driveway that led to the old farm home he rented from his parents, he stopped the car and sighed deeply. It had been a long day. He wanted nothing more than to freshen up and spend a couple of relaxing hours watching TV.
He stepped out of the car and directly into a large puddle.
“Damn,” he shouted, “can this day get any worse?”
Apparently, it could. A bright light engulfed him from above. He would have run, but found that he was unable to move. Was he frozen by fear, or was the light somehow paralyzing him? Before he could determine the answer, he spied two figures approaching him from behind the barn. They appeared to be large men, though they both wore some sort of silver body suit and helmet. One of them carried a bundle of what appeared to be clothing, a fish bowl, and a large metal cylinder.
He was still trying to move when the unburdened visitor approached him and began to speak.
“Earthling, we are here to conscript you to help in a matter of galactic importance. You will put on the atmospheric suit that my partner carries. Once you do so, we will completely explain our mission.”
Pete could tell that the being talking to him was not human. Through the transparent helmet, he saw the creature’s odd and strangely colored features. His visitors had green skin, noses the size of baseballs, and beady black eyes that looked like little more than marbles stuck into a Play-Doh design.
The second alien dropped its burden at Pete’s feet. The beam of light that had been surrounding him disappeared, and he was once again able to move. He thought about fleeing, but something told him any attempt would be futile. The creatures would just use the beam on him again, or some other, more painful weapon.
The suit that he was supposed to put on was heavy and made of a thick, stiff material. He struggled a bit putting it on but eventually slithered into it.
“Now put on the helmet.”
Unlike the helmets worn by the aliens, Pete’s helmet looked like the kind that old-fashioned divers wore, only heavier. It took most of his strength just to lift it onto his head. Once he had the helmet in place, he staggered under its weight.
“How am I supposed to breathe in this thing?” he shouted.
“We will connect the air supply,” said the lead creature. Its counterpart easily lifted the metal cannister it had been carrying and mounted it on Pete’s back. It fiddled with some tubes and soon Pete felt warm air blowing on him.
“Do not worry. That is Earth air from the location you call Florida.”
Pete wanted to ask why they would bring Florida air to Wisconsin, but he had way too many other questions.
“Why me? What kind of mission? Why do I get an old spacesuit when you get fancy new ones? Why do I have to wear a spacesuit on my own planet?”
The alien held up one of its hands. “We will answer all of your questions once we are on the ship. I will tell you this. You will need to wear that atmospheric suit when on our vessel. That is why we have had you put it on at this time.”
Still dazed, Pete nodded.
The beam of light that had captured him earlier suddenly reappeared, this time also encircling the two aliens. Without warning, the trio began floating upward.
***
Pete sat in his private compartment in the spaceship. The aliens, Shous and Bort, had told him that he could remove his helmet while in his room, but not the suit, since it provided gravitational stability while the ship flew through space.
He could see and talk to the aliens through a view screen floating above the door. They did not need to wear any special gear. In fact, they wore light-weight tunics while they and the rest of the crew operated the ship. Every alien stood at least seven feet tall and had physiques that would make a young Arnold Schwarzenegger jealous. Their muscles had muscles.
Shous, who appeared to be in command, was the only one to talk to Pete.
“Is there anything we can get you to make you more comfortable? We have about thirty-six of your hours till we reach our destination.”
“I’d really like a different suit to wear. Can’t I get one of the silver ones you had on? This one is really hot and uncomfortable.”
“I’m afraid not,” replied Shous. “Our bodies are different than yours. The suit you are wearing is the only one we have for your race.”
“And you’re sure I can’t take it off. I mean, it’s really hot in here.”
“No. I’m sorry, but the suit is keeping you alive.”
“I guess a shower is out of the question. Well, do you have air-conditioning or a fan or something to cool down the room?”
“The only setting we have for that chamber is the temperature and humidity of Mexico. I apologize if you are uncomfortable. You will just have to bear with us until we start the mission.”
“What exactly is the mission?” asked Pete.
“We are going to destroy a rebel base.”
“What do you need me for?”
“You may not know this, but humans are the strongest creatures in the galaxy. You will single-handedly be able to bring the rebel scum to their knees.”
Pete stared at the image on the screen, dumfounded. “What do you mean? I saw Bort carry my suit and air cannister with one arm. I can barely stand up in the thing.”
“There are other kinds of strength. Trust me, you will do well.”
“Don’t I need special combat training or something? What kind of weapon will I get?”
Shous smiled. At least, Pete assumed it was her smile; she could have been holding in a burp for all he knew. “You have all the strength you will need. I dare say, more than you will need.”
“Okay, if you say so. I do get to go home after we’re done, right?”
“Of course,” replied Shous. “Now, can I get you something to eat? We have a selection of delicacies from your planet. Would you like some baked beans, asparagus, cooked cabbage, or boiled eggs?”
***
Pete and Shous sat in a tiny shuttle, tucked behind one of the moons circling a planet Shous described as the rebel base. Both Pete and Shous wore spacesuits, though, once again, the one Shous wore was much smaller and comfortable.
“I am sweating so much and my stomach is gurgling like a geyser that’s about to blow.” announced Pete.
“It is perfectly normal to be afraid,” answered Shous.
“I’m not afraid. I’m too uncomfortable to be nervous. I’ve sweated clean through my underwear and my blue jeans. I think I’m going to pass out at this rate.”
“I hope you don’t. But if you do, it’s okay. You’ll still be able to complete the mission.”
Before Pete could respond, Shous held up her hand.
“Quiet. I’m picking up a rebel cruiser on the scanner. We have to wait for it to enter the planet’s force field and then follow. They shouldn’t be able to detect us, but I’m going to have to do some fancy flying to get close enough.”
“Then what?”
Shous didn’t answer. The alien was concentrating on the information flashing across her control panel.
Suddenly, the alien twisted a knob and pulled a lever. The ship jumped into motion, snapping Pete’s head back as it raced toward the planet.
***
The shuttle shook violently as it followed in the wake of the Flavian Rebel’s ship.
“I want you to get out of your space suit now,” shouted Shous as she struggled with the vessel’s controls.
“But that’ll kill me,” cried Pete.
“No, it won’t,” replied the alien pilot. “You’ll be fine.”
“Why aren’t you getting out of yours?” asked Pete, though he reluctantly began to remove his helmet.
“I need mine. Now hurry. You’ve got to be out of it by the time we stop in the rebel base.”
Pete continued to climb out of the suit. “I don’t understand. What am I supposed to do?”
“Be an Earthling,”
After a furious descent and bumpy landing, the shuttle skidded to a halt right in the center of the Flavian stronghold. Immediately, hundreds of blue-skinned Flavian soldiers charged the shuttle. They drew their weapons and surrounded the ship.
One of the Rebels stepped forward. This creature stood nearly eight feet in height and was much more muscular than the crew of Shous’ spaceship. Its muscles had armies of muscles.
The Flavian shouted something. To Pete, it sounded like gibberish.
Shous hit a button on the console of the shuttle. The rebels shouted again, but this time the words were translated for Pete.
“What kind of fool thinks they can intrude on our base and live? You are about to die a very painful death.”
“It is you who are at risk of an excruciating death,” replied Shous through the ship’s intercom. “Surrender now or I will be forced to destroy you.”
“Crim Crim Crim,” said the creature, which translated to “Ha Ha Ha.”
“You were warned,” said Shous. She looked at Pete and smiled. “Now is your time.” She hit another bottom, and the top of the shuttle rolled back exposing Pete to planet’s atmosphere.
Pete waited for his lungs to explode or fill with some unbearable poison. Nothing happened. He felt fine. The air felt fresh and cool. Suddenly, screams drew his attention to the Flavians.
The rebels were dropping like flies. The ones closest to the ship kicked and screamed for a moment before falling silent. Further away, the aliens were grabbing their noses and trying to run, but they could not escape. After a few staggering steps, they too collapsed.
“What’s going on?” asked Pete.
“I told you Earthlings were the strongest creatures in the universe.”
More shouts were heard from inside the buildings circling the base, but they were replaced by silence after a minute or two.
“I think that’s enough time. They should all have succumbed to the smell by now. I’m going to go and turn off the force field around their planet.” She grabbed a weapon and began climbing out of the ship. “A few of them may have made it into atmospheric suits before your odor got them. My ship will be coming shortly. You’d better get back into your spacesuit. We don’t want to accidentally knock out any of my crew.”
“Wait a second,” said Pete, incredulously. “Are you telling me that you used my smell to defeat the rebels? That kind of hurts my feelings.”
“Not as much as it hurt the Flavian’s olfactory organs,” laughed Shous. “Don’t feel bad, Pete, it’s not just you, everyone on your planet smells terrible.”
“That doesn’t really make me feel any better.”
***
Two days later, Pete was back at the farmhouse. After removing his spacesuit, he tried to pick it up and hand it to Bort, but it was too heavy to lift, so he just pointed toward it.
Shous, still wearing protective garb, offered her hand to Pete. “You have done the galaxy an immense service. I wish we could give you some sort of acknowledgement, but Earth is a forbidden planet. No one can know that you were part of the raid on the Flavian base. Also, you should not tell anyone on your planet about the mission, other planets, or your species’ special strength.”
Pete shrugged. “That’s ok. No one would believe me anyhow. Besides, I really don’t want to brag about stinking so badly that I knocked out an entire rebel base. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t impress Angie.”
“I do have a small token of our appreciation that I can give you,” continued Shous. She handed Pete a small glass bottle. “This is a sample of our world’s most expensive perfume. I thought it would be an apt gift after your mission.”
Pete accepted Shous’s offering and nodded his thanks.
A bright beam of light appeared next to the group. Shous and Bort turned and began walking toward it. Soon, they were being lifted toward the heavens.
After the aliens were gone, Pete pulled the cap off the bottle Shous had given him and took a small whiff of the fragrance inside. He immediately began gagging and dropped the container. It shattered into a million pieces. The perfume spilled onto the ground, seeping into the dry soil.
“Oh,” groaned Pete, “that stuff stinks.”