If I Don't

If I don't drink enough to get drunk,
I will smoke my cigarettes intensely

If I don't stop thinking about suicide
I will think the past and never sleep

If I don't understand how and why
I will write and sing my lyrics all night

If I don't feel much in love anymore
I will cry and cry until I become a cloud

If I don't miss my dead childhood friends,
I will lay down and pretend I'm dead with them

If I don't feel homesick or nostalgia
I will be friends with unethical figures

If I don't hear the voices of wars
I will just hold my breath until I fade away