Essays

The Curious Affair of the Seventeen Year Old Vienna Sausages, and Other Matters Worth Relating.

<b>A Story of Mashed-Chocolate Love.</b> Who knew that becoming a grandparent means eating candy could be such a chore?

<b>The Snot-Kid Diet.</b> What could turn a blissfully "heavy eater" away from a paradise-like buffet? Weight loss is just one snot-nosed kid away.

Yeast is no ingredient. It's <em>alive</em>. Sure, when you first get into baking, all you see are innocuous little packets of granules -- dry and gently slumbering "kitchen helpers". But once you delve into serious bread baking, you'll find the kitchen is a setting straight out of Lovecraft or Poe, and it's all because of yeast.

<b>Biscuit Evolution in My House</b>. Food is wasted on the young! Stern admonitions from the doctor cause the evolution of lovely food like biscuits into unrecognizable objects that resemble roofing shingles.

<b>Life Without Bacon is No Life at All. </b>If we gave up all our bad habits, what would we do for fun? Pondering an aescetic existence and finding it coming up lacking...