Long ago, I worked in the vault room of a large retail store. A secure, windowless room, the vault's daily sameness was driving me nuts. In a feeble bid for some entertainment, I began collecting defaced one-dollar bills.
Artist: "So you grew lots of hemp, huh, George? Make a little rope, smoke a little weed ... This would have looked better in black ink, pal, but it will do."
George: "Benjamin Franklin wears glasses; I do not!"
Artist: "Whoa, way cool! Is that you talking, or my friend Doobie? That's some potent shit, man."
George: "And I do not appreciate you using this currency as a cigarette roller! Now I have bits of contraband all over my portrait and reek of resin! The first policeman's canine who smells this is going to rip me to shreds!"
Artist: "I'm gettin' high with my old pal George!"
George: "If you keep singing that loudly, someone will undoubtedly call the police."
Artist: "How come you never talked to me back in the Sixties? You were with me all the time, rollin' those jays like a pro."
George: "I do not recall any such thing."
Artist: "Wow, you're right, sorry, man. That was my old pal Andy Jackson I used to party with. Kept him in my wallet just for the smokes. I used to iron him at my mom's house to get him really smooth. Hey, I found a black pen!"
George: "Don't portray me as a smoker, do you mind?"
Artist: "Too late, George. Let me light that up for you. I think I liked the blue better."
George: "Most disrespectful!"
Artist: "Chill, man. You even gave a speech about growing hemp. You thought the more hemp, the better!"
George: "That is because hemp fields produce 2 or 3 times as much fiber as the same acreage of cotton, and require less fertilizer."
Artist: "And because it smokes so fine ... ! Oh, yeah, George, he love him Mary Jane!"
George: "Do you find yourself desiring a candy bar? Please put me in a vending machine so that I can leave your presence."
Artist: "Chocolate! Good idea. I knew you were high."
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