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August 01, 2022

The Many Faces of George 13

By Sand Pilarski

Long ago, I worked in the vault room of a large retail store. A secure, windowless room, the vault's daily sameness was driving me nuts. In a feeble bid for some entertainment, I began collecting defaced one-dollar bills.

Artist: "I hate this class. I hate this text, I hate this teacher, I hate this semester. Hate them, hate them, hate them."

George: "That is an unseemly utterance."

Artist: "See? This class is so damn boring that I fell asleep and am dreaming about George Washington. What do you say, George, wanna just stand up, walk out, and get some pizza?"

George: "Use no Reproachful Language against any one; neither Curse nor Revile."

Artist: "What are you talking about? Not that I actually hear you or anything."

George: "Rules of Civility & Decent Behavior in Company and Conversation. I copied out 110 of them when I was a lad. Number 49 was Use no Reproachful Language ... "

Artist: "If you had to sit through twelve weeks of listening to this boring dreck, you'd be cursing up a storm yourself. It's like a ton of crap every single class."

George: "Number 50: Be not hasty to believe flying Reports to the Disparagement of any. Thus I take your complaints with more than a few grains of salt."

Artist: "Come on, George, what kind of loser professor gets scheduled for a Friday night class? His department just is HOPING he'll get fed up and quit. I know I do, every Friday. No wonder I don't have a life."

George: "I detect some bitterness in your demeanor."

Artist: "It's Friday night, Sweetheart, and I'm sitting in a smelly classroom talking to a dollar bill, for crying out loud. Yes, I'm bitter."

George: "Well, pardon me. It was not my idea for you to employ me as a bookmark."

Artist: "I did that so I can remind myself why I keep coming to class. Get the credit, get the degree, get the hell out of this school, get some money, get a life."

George: "You breathe, young woman; you speak, you act, you learn. You are trying to improve yourself. How much more of a life do you seek?"

Artist: "You sound like a New Ager. I want to go dancing, George. Did you like to dance? Wait a minute, what am I thinking?"

George: "What are you thinking? You have a crazed look similar to a squirrel-hunter who has been warming himself with rum."

Artist: "You're looking too good to me, George Washington. I'm starting to think I wish you were here. You'd fit in just fine, with a little facial fur, and a soul patch -- ooh, I like."

George: "Young woman, attend to your class lecture and put down the pencil."

Artist: "I've been rejected by a piece of money. I can't believe it. Okay, Mr. 'First in War,' you can have glasses and worry wrinkles like the professor. And when we go out for pizza after class, the cashier will say, 'Oh, look, Professor Allen is on the one-dollar bill now."

George: "Rule the 53rd: Run not in the Streets, neither go too slowly nor with Mouth open go not Shaking your Arms kick not the earth with R feet, go not upon the Toes, nor in a Dancing fashion."

Artist: "Is that another way of saying, 'Don't let the door hit you on the butt on the way out?'"

George: "It is quite possible, yes."

Artist: "You, my handsome pal, are headed for the Pizza Palacio tip jar, just so you know."

Article © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
Published on 2006-08-28
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