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August 01, 2022

The Many Faces of George 15

By Sand Pilarski

Long ago, I worked in the vault room of a large retail store. A secure, windowless room, the vault's daily sameness was driving me nuts. In a feeble bid for some entertainment, I began collecting defaced one-dollar bills.

Artist: "All I need is ten more of you, Mr. George Washington, and I can buy the next 'Order of the Stick' book!"

George: "I have never heard of such an order."

Artist: "Are you talking for real?"

George: "No."

Artist: "Oh, okay, because for a minute I thought I was going nuts."

George: "Is it helpful to speculate that you might already have arrived at your destination?"

Artist: "What?"

George: "Never mind. Why are you so eager to make this purchase?"

Artist: "Come on! You never heard of 'The Order of the Stick?'"

George: "Not in any year of my long life."

Artist: "It's a webcomic, just about the best one in the world! And it's funny! There are these adventurers, see, with a big black guy named Roy who's the leader, and an elf named Vaarsuvius, and a hot redheaded chick -- "

George: "Should you be looking at comics of hot redheaded women?"

Artist: "Come on, George, they're stickmen! That's why they're called 'The Order of the Stick.' Haley's hot, but she's a head and a body and lines for legs and arms."

George: "I have known boys to be beaten severely for drawing such immodest images."

Artist: "George, no, you would love these guys. They're brave, they're smart, they want to do what's good! You'd have fit right in with them, no lie!"

George: "I was tall, but not stick-like in any way. I do not think so."

Artist: "It's just the way they're drawn, okay? The new book is about how they got hunted down by a Paladin from the Sapphire City before they found out that Elan's evil twin, Nale was still alive!"

George: "The name 'Nale' is just 'Elan' spelled backwards. That is silly. "

Artist: "It's FUNNY, it's supposed to be funny, don't you get it? And the evil twin has a moustache and goatee -- just like ALL evil twins have, just like Mr. Spock's evil twin in Star Trek and you know, all of them, even yours!"

George: "I have no twin."

Artist: "You don't think you do, but he's out there, somewhere, looks just like you, but with a moustache and ... "

George: "Not again."

Artist: "Behold, with a few strokes of my magic pen you become the image of Egroeg, the evil twin of George Washington, bane of the Minutemen, and co-conspirator of the traitor Benedict Arnold!"

George: "Stop right there, you unread whelp. There are things you should know about Arnold. The war would not have been won without his resourcefulness and drive, and to simply brand him a traitor and a villain is to fail -- "

Artist: "Got it. That's what my history teacher was quacking about, but the textbook is so dang boring, you know? Okay, Egroeg, into the money jar you go, and soon you'll go visit Barnes and Noble while the Order of the Stick comes to live with me."

George: "Mmmmmrff!"

Artist: "Can't hear you, the lid's on."

Author note: Rich Burlew's excellent webcomic "The Order of the Stick" can be found here and his new book is called "No Cure or the Paladin Blues." I plan on buying one as soon as it is available this fall.

Article © Sand Pilarski. All rights reserved.
Published on 2006-09-11
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