Opinion

A man's quest for a satisfactory razor begins in his youth. With the advent of the Mach 3 Power Nitro, this is one quest with a happy ending. Tough beard or sensitive skin, wet or dry, guy or gal, this seems to be the best in comfortable hair removal.

In Which I Prepare for Some Early Morning Surgery (Part 3 of 4). You always hear about things going wrong in the operating room, so Basil decides to get his affairs in order. He double-checked on his life insurance. He talked to his wife about "persistent vegetative states." He spent extra time with his daughter. He rewatched his favorite Don Knotts movies.

This is no roll-your-eyes B-grade film. It is a beautiful, breath-taking, hilarious film that acknowledges and embraces the most ludicrous aspects of martial arts films, uses them to make you howl with laughter, and then continues on to make what is actually a wonderful martial arts movie in its own right.

In Which I Discover That I Am Indeed Headed for Surgery (Part 2 of 4). Just who is this mysterious neurosurgeon, "Dr. Chong," that Basil is supposed to see? Basil's nights are haunted by dreams of the shadowy Dr. Chong slicing into his skull to remove chunks of spongy brain matter. Yeah. He's probably gonna wind up paralyzed, slurping up baby food and drooling into a bib.

Ah, the ancient rhythm of harvest and planting is deeply soothing to the soul. Almost so soothing as to distract one from the ancient rhythm of making one's relatives angry. But, wait -- you can do both!

On the Circumstances Prior to My Recent Back Surgery (Part 1 of 4). Deep South home remedies and an ex-airplane-mechanic-turned-chiropractor who is obsessed with Vietnam, Star Trek and smoking prove inadequate to deal with Basil's back pain.

Break out yer polka dotted bandana, strap a patch over yer bad eye and gird up yer loins with the pantaloons that don't have that embarrassing zipper problem, because September 19th is National Talk Like A Pirate Day.

The tale of a sorcerer who must tranform his lover from a dragon back into a woman before she is slain to stop her rampaging, Orphen has a few things going for it - interesting characters, intriguing story, decent pacing. But sloppy details in character names, animation and subtitles prevent this series from getting a higher grade.

The British have been under a cloud of suspicion ever since the Spice Girls, but while they may have assuaged our fears temporarily by taking Madonna off our hands, it seems that it was only a ploy to distract us from their real mission -- cloning an army of mutated mice.

Bernie and Sand travel to North Beach in San Francisco in search of good Italian food and Francis Ford Coppola's restaurant in the picturesque Sentinel Building. Mr. Coppola, you rock!

It seems that the Mike Tyson Traveling Freak Show has finally clattered to a halt. With his loss to a journeyman fighter recently, Mike has humbly announced he's pulling the plug on what's left of his boxing career. We should be so lucky.

Beer and football - two timeless topics that should no longer belong to men only. They're dramatic, they're fascinating, and since they lead to frequent urination, women have the advantage anyway. Our restrooms are so much cleaner.

Writing ad copy to sell clothing is tricky when other people don't buy clothes for the same reason you do. I mean, heck, if swarms of dragonflies aren't a factor, then there's really no reason to bother wearing clothes at all, is there?

Fat. Mean. The terror of the neighborhood. His name was Kitty-man, and he died as he lived -- on his own terms. And if there is an afterlife, Kitty-man lives that way still.

What would happen if you put a western and some zombies in a blender and hit puree? You get Min-Woo Hyung's "Priest". Good story, great art equal excellent manga.

China has recently held their first "Miss Plastic Surgery" pageant, opening up a whole realm of ethical debate that should have been closed long ago when we had the chance. Now the world is finding out that tampering with nature isn't just dangerous, it's undignified. When we're all heads in jars (with perfect teeth) you can blame those Claymation raisins from back in the 80's.

The current of life carries you ever forward, and sometimes paths cross briefly, never to meet again. Jaimie-Lynn was different from the other children, and after second grade she was quietly removed from school. But you never know how even the most fleeting of contacts can impact another soul.

You think the Halloween or Nightmare on Elm Street movies were scary and violent? If you want a mix of terrors, screams and bloodshed, just get a cat within ten feet of a swimming pool or shower. Cats and water do not mix.

Once upon a time, the world catered to the smoker. You could smoke anywhere in a restaurant, in any federal and state building, on the subway, and on buses. It was accepted everywhere, and if someone didn't like the smell of cigarette smoke -- well, tough stuff. Want to find the smokers now? Drive around in the wintertime and look at the small cliques of people huddled miserably outside in the elements, collars turned up against the harsh winter wind.

A rare look behind the scenes at the Piker Press. A regular contributor who shall remain nameless (JEFF!) sends the senior editor and her main tech guy, who shall also remain anonymous (Josh) on a quest for new design. Along the way, they discover that cool fonts can, apparently, make you stupid.

Disbelieve astrology if you must, but don't mock the stars. They will get you. Alex allows her hair to give a horoscope, then allows her mouth to get her in trouble with the planets.

Weenies in a blanket used to sound unappetizing. Then along came Eric Wang and his Martong Theme Restaurant - now a chain of diners in Taiwan were you can eat while sitting on a toilet, out of a plate shaped like a toilet, from a menu featuring food like soft-serve chocolate ice cream. Pass the weenies, please.

In which Basil attempts to blame his expanding waistline on anything and everything else and comes to a chilling conclusion -- what he eats just may actually be his own responsibility. A horror story.

Utopia + apocalypse = ka-boom! Are we referring to one of Appleseed's action sequences or stunning visuals? Or is that the sound of the messy plot self-destructing? If you thought the plot of the Matrix trilogy was the best thing ever, then you are gonna love Appleseed. The rest of us might have slightly less favorable opinions...

It's difficult to lose a loved one. The passing of a family member, the death of a beloved pet — these are traumatic experiences that take time (and sometimes counseling) to get over. I've recently suffered the loss of a long-time friend of mine. Someone I've counted on in times of trouble. Someone who's been there for me. Yes, my beloved Betty Crocker coffee-maker finally gave up the ghost.

Time to follow in the footsteps of Basil and get rid of the demon television set -- quick, before you turn into Anna Nicole Smith!

Benjy the dog was found wandering the streets, hungry, unkempt and dirty. All he needed was a warm home, perhaps a little dog kibble, and a dose of human companionship ...for him to poop on!!

Industrial hemp! It's the answer to everything from clothing to our dependency on foreign oil to underarm deodorant. Well, our answer to everything but deodorant, at least...

Oh my gawd, the death count from post electorial stress is starting to rise! ...One!! ... ... .... Okay, well, while we wait for "two", the Seven Year Old Question Man has a few things to ask you. Better be quick on your feet with what little time you have left.