Opinion

When it comes to clothing, older is better. Well, maybe not better, but you just can't trust new clothing. Plus, as in the case of the dreaded Nipple Shirt, if it's gross enough, people won't bother you.

Welcome to Gypsy's Guide to Good Living, a column devoted to some of the more practical aspects of being alive. This week, controlling your spending can be easier than you think.

The heck with a good book. This summer, let's set aside the time to watch some bad movies. From Kiera Knightly's flat chest to Halle Berry's enormous hat, there's sure to be something for everyone to make fun of.

An overflowing bin of avocados at the grocery store is proof that summer has arrived, and there is arguably no better way to eat an avacado than in the perfect batch of guacamole.

It's not where you go that makes a good summer vacation, it's the PR spin you put on it. With a little creative marketing, you can convince yourself that any destination is a great one.

The marriage of documentaries and reality television: sure, it might be dumbing down science a little bit, but who wouldn't want to watch Paris Hilton try to harvest live electric eels for scientific research? (BZZZZT! "Omigod, <i>owww</i>!!!")

From the time he was a young boy, John Queen always had a certain way with horses. That's why they didn't like him.

Looking for something to read for the summer that has a compelling plot, engaging characters, and appeals to a "vacation mood"? Here's a list of novels that are just the thing for a good, summer pool read.

Cover story

If your lawn mower or weed trimmer can't make a decent showing at a Nascar event, it's not good enough for this elite squad from the Dept. of Landscape Security.

Bernie was being open-minded and out fell a, well, a <i>musing</i> about Descartes, soup, and the nature of life.

If you've never worked retail, you've never been abused by total strangers in myriad thoughtless ways. Take a walk on the sales side. It might make you think twice the next time you venture into a store...

Peter Pan isn't the only one who never really grew up. From mis-reading books about space to using the bathroom as an arena for personal challenge and showmanship, some people - men, mostly - never change.

Packing for the trip can be a more harrowing adventure than any you experience while away from home. Does he really need four pairs of shoes? Does she really need 10 different books? Yes. Hell, yes.

Crimes against nature used to be priced too high for anyone but criminal masterminds. Then came easy credit. Now, plastic surgery isn't just for Michael Jackson anymore.

If you think the warning labels on cups of coffee are unnecessary, then you've lived a sheltered life around intelligent people. Meet the Face of Stupidity: he is Fourmyle, the family cat.

It's hard to be cutting edge when you've lost your digital knife sharpener. But when the chips are down, the silicon chips go in. Lost in the modern world, but with 24 hour access to Mapquest.

The ground squirrel instinct to dart out in right in front of the only car to have passed that way in weeks, also known as nature's recipe for road pizza, is a widespread phenomenon.

Can't tell if that's a loved one or an evil cyborg replica cooking you breakfast? You need a Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart. There's several of them out there -- Gotta CAPTCHA'm all!

The last time the cicadas were here, he was only nine years old. The next time the cicadas come, he'll be out of the country.

A patron's request for an overview of the concept of Baptism leads to a journey through history, symbolism and personal experience.

A simple zombie infection simulation run on a computer sparks the Week of the Living Dead, sapping the brains and the will to live from one hapless couple.

In a bold and spectacular novel-writing debut, author Alice Sebold takes on that most terrifying of subjects, the brutal murder of a child...

War is never pretty, but bad poetry is even worse. Based on the true story of a Piker Staff meeting.

Since the 2004 Presidental campaign is shaping up to be a clash of the intellectual titans, here's a little advice for both candidates to help their images.

Why don't we eat them while they're still small and tender? It can only be a miracle of nature.

In hating "The Old Man and the Sea", one comes to learn its true meaning. But it still stinks.

Long live Democracy -- despite everyone who participates. Lawmakers and politicians have always been a bunch of crooks.

Some people raise livestock because it's their job. Other people just like to eat the stuff below them on the food chain. But even the most hardened of carnivorous farmers sometimes get soft spots.

Had your fill of April Fool's jokes? Take a walk on the wild side of real life.