Articles by Bernie Pilarski

Opinion

An introduction to wine tasting for those who like wines, don't know wines or even hate wines.

Oo, ick! Halloween has pagan roots and is corrupting children's minds! Damn right it has pagan roots. Here's why even god-fearin' Christians don't need to wear "shorts in a bunch" costumes this season.

Whether you want them or not, Sand and Bernie give you their opinions on Arnold's new movie Terminator 3: The Rise of the Machines.

Sand and Bernie hit the theater again this weekend, and review Pirates of the Caribbean. Say, sweetheart, who's shivering ye timbers now?

Oh, dear, another day over 100 degrees, and off Sand and Bernie go to the movies again. We love you, Sean, but it's time to put an icepack on your head and cover your ears...

Bernie and Sand sneak off to the movies again, to check out the Triple Crown horseraces' hype of Seabiscuit. Was the little horse really that much of a superstar?

Bernie and Sand slither off to the movies again to see if Tomb Raider 2 is really as bad as some critics have claimed.

Sand drags Bernie off to the movie theater again. "Look honey, this one has horses and fish and shotguns in it! I call that a Must See!"

Bernie was being open-minded and out fell a, well, a musing about Descartes, soup, and the nature of life.

Staff writer Bernie Pilarski has a few words to say about the lack of laws against stupidity.

Some thoughts upon entering the New Year ...

Bernie Pilarski watches the moths fly out of his purse, and at the same time, views three movies friends have loaned him.

Bernie Pilarski takes a whack at courts, legalities, marriage, sexual mores -- oh well, we might as well say "just about everything."

Bernie Pilarski, faced with the prospect of staying indoors during a heat wave, goes to the video store and checks out the DVD, "The Day The Earth Stood Still."

This just in -- Aliens will land in the Piker Press on August 24th!

"You're so good," they told them. "You produce the best product ever! You're so valuable!" Was it only words after all?

The workplace of 5000 shut down, and took with it another 30,000 jobs. It's something like the end of the world in California ...

What seems like disaster may in fact be a good thing, and maybe we need to remember that more often ...

Ever been at a party and just found yourself at a loss for words? Here's a product that can help ...

The foggy winter of 2010 -2011 has even Californians in search of divine assistance ...

If you can't prove a motive, does that mean all motives are superstitions?

Bernie Pilarski reviews the short book, "The Novice" by Thich Nhat Hanh.

Bernie Pilarski sheds some light on the 1589 book "The Spiritual Combat."

Bernie has a manly day at the movies with his son-in-law, and sees "Immortals."

Bernie Pilarski reviews the Paul Johnson biography "Socrates."

Bernie Pilarski reviews "The New Man," a collection of essays about the nature of man, by Thomas Merton.

A silent film in 2012? A black and white silent film? What can this movie possibly have to attract moviegoers?

Yes, this movie is worth braving a packed movie theater filled with pop-corn crunching kiddies. And this one is probably worth the extra cost of 3-D.

Abandoned by his alien-hating wife, Bernie intrepidly goes for a space ride, without even stopping for popcorn.

Allan Cole, Jr. puts together a series of essays by "poets, prophets, and preachers" in "The Spiritual Life."

A movie about the 2004 tsunami draws the Pilarski duo back into their roles as movie critics.

Ever wonder just how authoritative reviews are? Bernie explains how it works.

This time it's not just Frank Moses who is in the crosshairs, it's millions of unwary citizens -- can the retired spies and assassins creak their way to victory? Bernie and Sand can't resist "RED 2."

In "The Power of Habit," author Charles Duhigg leads the reader through an exploration of recent scientific research in the area of habits, and how this knowledge can impact our lives.

Bernie finds an old DVD, and his daughter and son-in-law talk him into watching "Hot Fuzz."

After his Keira Knightley film festival, Bernie presents his findings.

An old American at the end of his days living in exile in Brazil writes down the story of his grand and improbable life, placing the pages in an antproof case for safekeeping, in Mark Helprin's novel, "Memoir From Antproof Case."

What, the cheapskate Bernie coughed up the bucks to see a movie twice? Oh, the 3-D...

Merry Christmas popcorn! Let's go see some fine acting by Emma Thompson and Tom Hanks!

Dr. John Gray, a British writer, philosopher and atheist, maintains that evangelists have been blight on civilization. Piker staff writer Bernie, who considers himself an evangelist, agrees, and commends the BBC for providing a forum for civil discourse.

Bernie is using his retirement to catch up on reading, and in this case, his is reading Cornel West's 1993 book "Race Matters." Dr. West looks at the social issues that are plaguing the black community and argues that these are the same issues that threaten the future of our nation as a whole.

Bernie takes his grand-daughter to the movies to give her some perspective on the Civil Rights movement of the 1960s.

Oh, get the popcorn and the super-size Coke, it's time for fun and games at the local planetary nebula...

Pilarski examines the response of Dietrich Bonhoeffer during WWII, when he not only helped Jews escape from death in Germany but also helped plot an assassination attempt on Adolph Hitler.

SPOILER ALERT! Do not read this review if you have not seen the movie...but do not spend money on this movie until you do read the review.

Hmmm, more questionable choices by people around the world...

Exploring a new writing style, Bernie reads "Proxies," by Brian Blanchfield.

It's not just a matter of staying warm; it's not just a matter of saving money. The sight draws us, the heat directs us, and there is more still that the flames bring to us ...

Take one NaNovel, edit out the rough bits, and boom, you've got "Time." This past year Bernie participated in his first NaNoWriMo. This piece is an excerpt of his unnamed novel. After having removed the 47,000 words that did not really work, he found that there was at least a potentially interesting essay on the nature of life, the universe and everything. That is the way he usually writes, which is why he is an unproductive and unknown author.

Nonfiction

A reflection on the scandal in the American Catholic Church.

Let's do a word association: Yellow? Lemon. Sweet? Sugar. Winter? --- Lemonade!

Bernie Pilarski treats us to a report on Studio 80's stage production of "That Bad, Bad Cat."

Danger, danger, Will Robinson! You are gonna get fat!

Turkey and cranberry sauce -- what shall we do with them after the holiday meal?

A delicious version of the Pennsylvania horror breakfast.

No, it's not your alarm clock, it's the blender in the kitchen you hear. Go back to sleep and dream of a sweet breakfast...

When Life sends you lemons, you make lemonade, right? What do you make when Life sends you too many grapes?

First it was just dry 'em and eat 'em, but now let's see some finesse...

A funny-looking fruit with an unusual name: what does it taste like and how can you use it?

How are you going to feed all those hungry little ones?

Sounds strange...but there's few tastier, more comforting meals than this on a chilly winter day.

When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. When neighbors hand you zucchinis without rhyme or reason, you make Zucchini-Onion Pie!

Well, you CAN try this one at home...

An amazing yet often-maligned vegetable, the Brussels sprout finds its way into Bernie's yard.

Ah, that crunch, that lightly smokey flavor -- that Back East treat finds a new way to please...

Rather than fling those extra fruits over the neighbor's fence, here's a tasty treat to make instead.

What do cabbage and Bernie have in common?

Comics

Portrait of a raven on Highway 1, near Pescadero.

Bernie Pilarski, expert naturalist, presents a series about the exciting world of the birds of Ripon, California.

Who knows why the mysterious, dapper junco hangs out with the sparrows? Is it for comfort? Is it something more sinister?

Tall, athletic, gorgeous, the kind who steams the girls' glasses -- meet the noisy handsome neighbor, the Blue Jay.

Certainly there is a valid reason for studying birds -- politics is the Number One.

Understanding the habitat of birds is very important, as well as how to render the habitat in illustrations.

A dapper bird in black and white ... don't be silly, there's not a single penguin in Ripon. It's the amazing, magical Black Phoebe!

Visual commentary on a certain team's record and fan base. Guest art by Staff Writer Bernie Pilarski.

Shy and retiring, the Hermit Thrush keeps to himself and his cabin in the woods, with plenty of munchies on hand.

Polite, attractive, and good tippers, Cedar Waxwings are always enjoyable to have around.

They're here, they're on vacation from regular jobs as corporate secretaries -- yes, now you see one -- the Robin.

Dashing and opinionated, sexy and well-versed in fine dining -- it's time to take a scientific look at The Crow.

The Hummingbird has a custom chameleon paint job and an engine like the dream muscle car ... (Originally appeared 11-20-2006)

A savannah sparrow visits the bird seed.

A play of light and shadow in water.

Bernie's buddy Jay.

A delectable portrait.

Tule fog gives an otherworldly air to the forest near the Stanislaus River, California, USA.

A ghostly "eye" appears in the morning light ...

Low morning light illuminates sap on the bark of a tree.

The new addition to the supermarket produce section: Sumo fruit!

A view of San Francisco, California, and the expanse of the bay.

A head-on view of a menacing-looking moth.

A time of harvest, and October is a month for harvesting pumpkins.

Morning shadows reveal a gardener and her beloved container corn.

Short

Being wise isn't easy, especially when doling out wisdom about marriage that includes boobs and pit vipers.

It's Tony's, it's OIP, it's Laskaris' hotdogs ... you may think Bernie's kidding, but this stuff is worth stopping by to sample the fare.

Past your prime? Snow on the ol' mountaintop? Been studying other people's walkers with an eye to which model might suit your lifestyle? Have you said, "Been there, done that," to just about everything that comes up in cocktail party conversations? Perhaps it is time for you to visit the Master and ask his advice ...

When you're headed off into unfamiliar territory, what you wish most for is a map...

"How many fingers do you have?" someone asks you. The answer is easy -- you look at your hands and count them. But what if the questions you're asked lead to an answer that can't be seen?

Honesty is the best policy, the old saying goes. But the best -- for who?

Can you say that you've lost everything when you didn't understand what it was you had?

Too many of the words we say are simply noises we've learned to make. We say they have meaning, but do we actually know what that is?

Is it possible to seek something if you don't even know it exists? And do you only know something exists when you perceive that it is no longer there?

Sometimes everything changes. Sometimes the world looks different. Michael struggles to salvage the relationship that has been torpedoed by Jessica's desire to return to religious practice, and he hopes that Jessica's son might be his ally, but change is never easy.

An ancient spirituality presents opportunity and danger for a bishop who sees his legacy in brick and mortar.

The farther Mankind travels into space, the more likely it is that it's five o'clock somewhere...

Justin is caught between life and death, Trish is trying to decide if spending the night had been a mistake. Life is never simple and death rarely comes with instructions...

Looking down -- suddenly, staying put seems like the safest thing to do...

No, really, there is this thing ... in Virginia City, Sparks, and Reno, Nevada, the first week in August...

The future sometimes seems clearer when viewed through the filter of the past...

Now you know!

Time to use up the last of the winter fruit harvest...

Is it really there? What does it look like, anyway?

Are rules instruction, guidance, or limitations...?

A box of old photographs prompts an examination of relationships and beliefs. Is it better to look at them, or should we just put the lid back and cover it all up?

Is it any wonder we dread Death?

Pick up a pen, break out the keyboard, just let it tell you the story...

And that memory...

Poem

And yet some of his best friends are poets...

"What if I had four arms? Would you still love me?..."

"...that I might simply need..."

"...So what do we make of a god..."

"In the darkness where my soul does exist..."

"...all shuttered and now covered in moss..."

"...As I wait with trepidation for dawn..."

"...There've been no tragic or dramatic scenes..."

Essay

This Lenten Season, Bernie intends to do something different to remind him of what his life is about...

Have you grown anything spiritually?

Hoping for greater spiritual growth, Bernie Pilarski continues his Lenten task.

Is it possible to take hope from an experience of the dark night of the soul?

Can Klingons eat meat on Fridays in Lent?

At least he did not endeavor to shave his head with a mandoline...

The man growing his hair for Lent is nearing his goal...

And now, where's that razor?

Sometimes you've just got to recognize the extraordinary in the ordinary.

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm...those "m's" aren't found in "Manufacturing!"

California may not have much water right now, but one thing it has in abundance.

By what do you know whether or not you're successful?

The Third in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who the author is.

The fourth in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who the author is.

Just when you thought it was safe to get back in the kitchen...

The Fifth in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who I am.

The Sixth in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who I am.

The Seventh in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who I am.

"The eighth in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who I am.

The ninth in a series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory.

The Tenth in series of "Unresearched Essays," short, one topic essays, written using only information from memory, that perhaps provide an opportunity to shed a little light on who I am.

An essay lost some time in 2017. Was the editor distracted? No one "knows."

Mardi Gras this week, and yes, it's Lent already...