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January 30, 2023

Lichloved 80-somethin' Synopsis

By Alexandra Queen

Right. So. It's been a while since I brought you a Lichloved. Some of you might not have ever read a Lichloved comic. First timers are going to look at this art and gag. Let me be blunt: my art work is wildly erratic. Style, quality, medium. You never know what you're going to get. It's an important survival skill when reading Lichloved that you don't let my shitastic art skills get in the way of the story.

Speaking of which, even the strange souls who have developed enough of an affection for the characters to stick with the strip have probably forgotten the story by now. Let's get you up to speed!

  • Hazzanghoul's necromancer mom puts the moves on Ashlinne's shadow knight dad.
  • Ashlinne's evil dad kills Ashlinne's mom. (And Ashlinne's teddy bear, but not until a few strips later.)
  • Hazz's evil mom kills Hazz's dad. Whose mom, when? What?
  • Evil Dad marries Evil Mom. Does that make Ashlinne and Hazzanghoul brother and sister? That's apparently a matter of opinion.
  • We learn something about Ashlinne:
    1. She is logical.
    2. She is savagely single-minded.
    3. She sees things in a strange way.
    Since she's not allowed to "bother" Mommy, she digs up her murdered teddy bear instead. The new kid is smart and studying necromancy. Surely Hazzanghoul will help her reanimate the bear.
  • Hazzanghoul does not want any part of anything related to the recent changes in his life, least of all a little freak with a lisp and what's left of her toys.
  • We learn something about Hazzanghoul:
    1. He hates everybody.
    2. He's well aware of what will bring him power and respect, and that humoring preschoolers ain't it.
    3. He helps Ashlinne anyway.
  • Ashlinne decides she will be a shadow knight. Her father shits a brick.
  • Hazzanghoul decides to make his mother proud. He shows amazing talent at being a treacherous and evil sleazebag.
  • Ash hits Hazz up for help. It can't be good for his career, but he helps Ash anyway.
  • Oh, and hey. Ash's evil dad? He killed Hazz's evil mom. It's just how he rolls.
  • Two years later, Hazz is about to become a teacher. Ash is about to become a student. She's studied her ass off. She passes the tests. She's denied because her father threatens the admissions department and because she's never done anything evil enough.
  • Without Hazz's help, Ashlinne kills her dad. Evil! She's in.
  • Goal accomplished, Ashlinne and Hazzanghoul part ways.

By the way, remember evil Professor D'Vont (the one who thinks Hazzanghoul's an idiot) and Reverend Grimm (the fallen priest that hit on Ashlinne)? We're not done with them yet.

Moving right along, Ashlinne is a student at the academy, learning to be a shadow knight. She's not having an easy time of it. Everyone thinks she's a total waste of student seating and faculty resources. But Ashlinne keeps insisting this is what she wants. Weird. What the hell is she thinking?

Hazzanghoul is a professor of necromancy at the same academy. Everyone thinks he's Evil's answer to sliced bread. He occasionally stops by Ashlinne's keep to try to break into his deceased mother's laboratory. (Or to borrow the kitchen.) On his way to do an errand that will put him into position to kiss the ass of the Emperor himself, Hazz abruptly puts everything on hold to help Ashlinne do something pointless again. It is, at best, a stupid career move. Weird. What the hell is he thinking?

Now that they both have what they want, maybe Hazzanghoul and Ashlinne are going to live happily ever after.

Or maybe they're both digging themselves nice, tidy graves.

Professor D'Vont. Duh.

Article © Alexandra Queen. All rights reserved.
Published on 2008-07-28
1 Reader Comments
Anonymous
07/10/2016
06:56:21 PM
Whatever happened to this series? It was original and interesting.
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